Oh my gosh, do I have a pet peeve that has gotten so much worse lately?!
Why do some people turn into seven-year-olds raised by wolves whenever they order anything at a restaurant? Fast food or fancy, it doesn’t matter. A whole lot of people seem to believe that their act of paying for food has turned the people who bring them food into subhuman creatures who don’t care for politeness.
“I want a number one combo with a Coke and a Happy Meal!”
“Yeah. Gimme a the prime rib, well done. Whadda ya got for the sides?”
It absolutely grates on me, because it communicates to the server that he or she is not worthy of courtesy. Now, I’ve never waited tables in anything other than a banquet setting, which is slightly different. (Banquet servers don’t have to take the orders.) Nevertheless I’ve had some real crap jobs in my time. However I’m still a human being deserving of courtesy, no matter what my ‘station’ in life when I encounter someone. I can only assume that’s the same for waitstaff and counter people at restaurants.
Me, personally, I always stick with “I would like a [blank], please. Thank you.” To me the whole I Want/Gimme sounds both rude and childish.
You are so right! I hate it when a person assumes that a server (or anyone providing something to that person) is someone worthy of being treated boorishly by nature of job title.
My husband and I ceased seeing a former friend whose beastly attitude toward a waiter embarrassed us to the point where we wanted to climb under the table. (And, subsequently, his wife divorced him.)
All that attitude does is expose the self hatred residing within the people who do it. My mother always told us: “Live and let live.” I believe it.
That’s what my mother called “good breeding” — to behave gracefully, equitably, and courteously to everyone at all times. To do less was to call one’s raising into question.
There’s also the “this person could totally spit in my food” angle, but I prefer to approach it from “this person is performing me a valuable service, for which I should be thankful” and the ever-popular “there are more needs in the world than mine” when I’m explaining it to my kid.
My inner voice says; ‘treat waiters as menial, lower class servants and don’t reach down, reach out, or touch bases with them’. I know its hard, I know its a difficult thing to do, but if you want to be treat with respect and given better service you must do it.
It needs to be appreciated that these waiters, doormen, bellhops, shop assistants, and lower grade workers, are measuring you up, weighing you in the balance, and their response to you is lets say ‘improved’, if you treat them with a noticeable lack of disdain, not rudeness mind you. The opposite is true – treat these groups well, treat them in a friendly, understanding manner, play the role of ‘hail fellow well met’ and you’ll pay. ‘Your attitude must be brusque, detached, professional and remote’. Cross the cultural gap line and your going to get shoddy service. So its upto you. What do you want, what are your service goals and expectations. P.S. Don’t believe the stories about the charming waitress, or Phippino hotel maid, who gets to marry the out of town visiting tycoon – its never happens. In real life situations he never see’s her / him, or takes the slightest notice of them.
[…] Oh my, sounds like a refresher course from Ms. Manners is in order. Oh my gosh, do I have a pet peeve that has gotten so much worse lately?! […]
Obviously, you should try to be polite to everyone, as often as you can, but in my dealings with the fast food industry it usually ain’t the _customers_ who are the most surly and impolite. Most of the fast food people I deal with act like you’re a colossal interruption — how _dare_ you come into Krystal and expect them to drop their private conversation and sell you a hamburger! Of all the nerve!
Your correct. If hotel staff and restaurant clients could hear the back room talk amongst the staff they’d cringe. Suffice to say that 90% is derogatory. Another big problem to day is most waiters can’t speak the language and all those kinds words are lost on them. So if you want to make a good impression and I’m sure you do, then leave a $100.00 dollar tip. This will prove to them you meant well not only in your heart but in your wallet as well .
If you want to impress a waiter forget your upbringing – bung him $100 – 200 dollars and dont-be – a – kind – word – for – all- cheapskate.
No offense intended, AW, but your remarks sorta kinda sound a bit more British Class System than American.
I tip generously and still try to treat everyone with kindness regardless of how they treat me.
Kat beat me to it. I strive to be both polite and generous.
Those two examples are nothing. My two biggest pet peeves were “I need this” or “bring me that.”
You don’t *need* a Coke. And “bring me bread” makes me want to bring you a punch in the eye.
Thank you for your answering posts. Both Kath and Bridgett are correct and I admit that the British class system is present in my post, I also concede that we must strive to be polite in our dealings with others, but what about when we come up against the Berlin Wall of good manners and behaviour?
The Berlin Wall of present day life is ‘Kind People Come Last’. Kind people get overlooked, kind people get pushed to the back of the line, and because there’s so many of them out there they tend not too matter. Which means in practice your faced with a dilemma, do you want to be kind and caring, or a boss, a winner, a bit of a bully, someone who gets the job done and delivers. If you do and its a reasonable goal in life, then you have to face the fact that quite often you have to raise your voice and shout and to be prepared to get your own way. When push comes to shove – you need to say get out of my way your an hindrance. Regrettably its a fact of life.
And for what its worth the USA is just as much as a class ridden society as the UK. Its class and snobbishness that gets things done in a classy manner, good service is a form of class, good clothes is a form of class, rejection by the local golf club is a form of class, top USA banks are class ridden, racism and housing discrimination is a form of class [one I do not support or advocate] striving for Godliness and inner perfection is a form of class, not offering someone a lift into town because you do not like them is another form of class. And it needs to be recognised as such.
If you want to impress a waiter forget your upbringing – bung him $100 – 200 dollars and dont-be – a – kind – word – for – all- cheapskate.
There is a lot of truth in this expression. Being a retired builder – I’ve seen it so many times, people offering kind words, acting in a caring manner, being polite, but putting their hands in their pockets forget it. You’ve no chance. Ask any professional fund raiser I am correct or not?
So rule 1. Beware of kind, gentle, polite people. Tell them upfront – go and sell your kind words elsewhere – we want cash , not promises.
Kath. Being Polite to waiters.
Its all well and good saying be nice to waiters, but what if the waiter is rude, obnoxious and unloveable looking. Obviously we should be polite to one another, which indirectly I take to mean ‘be supportive and understanding of each other’, but does it do any good? I think its correct to say the only thing that unites us all is hatred, opposition, war, 9-11, and our shared disgust towards crime and criminals.
We all have a yearning to be polite – but we also want waiters who’ve been slow, rude and uncaring, punished by being pulled about it. Its these words *BEING PULLED UP ABOUT IT* [coupled with the spirit of hostility towards others that lies behind them] which are responsible for millions of arguments, fights and divorces. So to be polite means in practice – never to pull anyone up about anything. So rudeness and politeness need to exist side by side.
As a waiter (lower grade worker??)setting out to work on one of the busiest restaurant days, I want to thank you for your post. I was about to write one myself, but I’m afraid it would be more cynical!
A W, I do appreciate a $100 tip, so if you want to come to my restaurant, let me know-I’ll set a table aside for you!
More annoying and degrading than “give me” is when someone is rude to me for reasons beyond my control. For those of you who go out to eat on a busy day, please be patient when your food takes longer than you want it to take. Bring crackers for your children-don’t blame me for their grouchiness. I want you to have your food right away too, but I can’t bring it out to you any faster than the cooks-who are underpaid and very stressed out- can make it for me.
By the way, I DO speak English, as do all the servers in both of my restaurants…
Oh! I’m feeling a blog coming on…. I guess it depends on how the day goes as to how riled up I get and decide to blog about it!
Happy Mother’s Day
Bon Appetite!
Oh Lord, THANK YOU! I am sick to DEATH of hearing people bark at waiters and waitresses. My mom will STILL box my ears if I talk to people like that. My parents’ philosophy: Just because you don’t know them personally, doesn’t mean that they don’t command your respect. They’re human too. Until someone gives you a reason to be rude, assume that they’re worthy of your respect…..and chances are, they will be, by the time you’re done.
Well as someone who has been a waitress and worked in retail I certainly appreciated patrons and customers who were nice to me. I gave them extra good service back. Speak coolly to me – that would pretty much get you average service. Below that – and well, my service could only drop as low as my personal standards would allow – so you’d get the bare minimum but I wouldn’t spit in your food.
Treat me nicely, and I go out of my way to help you. This was especially true when I worked in a garden center. I didn’t expect tips there – but if you were nice, I’d spend extra time with you helping you pick out the right plants for your garden, enquiring after your preferences and tastes. Yes, this did help me sell extra – but usually over the long haul not necessarily in any particular exchange.
And, good manners really do cost nothing. To A Wilson, tsk, tsk, I’d have only ever recommended stock junipers for your planting schemes. Yes, they work…but they’re not curb appeal eye catchers. Your “disdainful” attitude would only ever get you the bare minimum of service. And the reason? Don’t treat me as menial…I knew I wouldn’t be in that service job forever – I knew I was probably better than you anyway – your blood-will-tell behavior could only ever prove that to me.
I live in Britain and let me tell you – truly upper class people are NEVER rude to service staff (though anyone can have a bad day, be in pain, and teens might “try it on” etc.) I have a friend who’s Eton educated and the son of a baronet and he’d never, ever be rude to anyone behind a bar or in a service role. In fact, he’s usually quite jovial with everyone.
I do think that service staff aren’t treated particularly warmly here – and that is down to the class system. Until recently – college kids didn’t wait tables at the weekend or over the summer or while looking for that first “real job” – so it was quite likely that the person serving you wasn’t particularly aspirational – and I think that makes a difference.
It had to happen. A waitress read my post and replied objecting to the term lower grade worker, followed by some well written criticisms, very well written indeed. So well written that I’m inclined to reply ‘Your educated. smart, you write well, your living in Mammon so what happened’?.
Your supposed to be out there buying property with nothing down, arranging loans, sitting Real Estate Exams, selling Betty Crocker biscuits door to door [Press headline: Billionaire Ex Waitress dies leaving it all to Harvard – started by selling homemade cookies door -to-door] or at the very least running an illegal Casino in your front room and your a waitress [ men are waiters here in England and women are waitresses]
Why?
Look I know its an unusual request but will you lend me your green card, I’m gonna come to Nashville, assuming thats were you live and I’m gonna find some of that “In God We Trust Green Stuff for us both”. Thats why they give you a green card isn’t it, when you were born & baptised the vicar handed you a green card and whispered all the magical formulaes in your lugholes and you were set up for life. Your American aren’t you, so don’t deny it. Your brought up on the WallStreet Journal, Hetty Greens your hero, your doctors are all wannabe Warren Buffets, and your taught “only little people pay taxes”.
Give me your green card now before they take it from you for not using it. You do not deserve it. Its people like you who get the USA a bad name.
15 Vol Abroad. [Snobbery in England] [Waiters et al]
Have you forgotten already what friends of Prince William said about Kate Mliddelton the ex girlfriends mother, “Doors to Manual” said when Kate was arriving – because her Mother was once an Air Hostess, and said by Wms friends to illustrate “she wasn’t one of us”.
And your wrong, truly upper class people are the most arrogant, snobs ever with Princess Margaret, Princess Pushy, Princess Anne, Prince Phillip and the Old Queen Mary being prime examples. Aren’t you aware that a commoner [thats you and I] were not allowed to marry into Royalty or even speak to Queen Victoria.
I once made $40000 dollars because a Lord Vestey was paying a works visit to a factory he had owned for over 30 years and never seen, he’d never ever visited it. The factory manager wanted to tidy the place up for the visit and asked me to take away free $40 000 of stock because it looked untidy on the factory floor and they wanted to impress him with a nice clean works. He was in town visiting the horse racing and from the race track he phoned to say he wasn’t coming over to the works because he wanted to get back to London. This man knew [or must have known] that over 300 workers and managers had gone to great lengths to prepare for the visit. And thats what he thought of them. His brother fired a head office worker for wearing brown shoes to the office. Need I go on? Restaurant staff need to keep their place when these people are about or there out. Its a fact of life. And I love stock Juniper and yes I do own a garden centre in Wakefield, J39, on the M1 highway. We are turning it into a golfcourse soon.
“truly upper class people” = the queen and her brood?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Yes. They certainly are role models for all of us heathen colonists. I salute young miss whatever-her-name-is (Wills’ ex-girlfriend) for bailing out of that cesspool early.
A Wilson, I truly hope you don’t know what all these sorry illiterate low-class restaurant workers, who don’t know their preordained places, are doing to your food when you treat them that way.
And, back to Kat’s original post: I have done everything in my power to gently redirect my mom’s dining-out preferences to someplace other than Ryan’s. It’s not because of their staff, because they’re always very nice (and, in our experience, always classy and kind in spite of customers’ idiocy), but because of the customers. My lord, why do people act as if they’ve never eaten before and never will again at a buffet? Anyway, in the midst of her Mother’s Day-requested meal, two people trampled my mother near the vegetables (she’s still moving a little slow from her surgery), another tried to shove her out of the way of the meat-cutting area and another told her to “move your a**, old woman.” I was nearby at the last incident and walked over and said, “Excuse me, that’s my mother. Where is yours, so I can go tell her that she should have beaten your sorry tail more often?” (He gasped and ran away. Biiig man.) Happy Mother’s Day, indeed. Gah.
[…] he posted a comment that I was going to respond to in the comments but the more I thought about it the more I thought I […]
Of course you think differently to me, your society is different and your 21 club in New York, just loved to see the club filled to capacity with people from the Bronx and Harlem. Yes they welcomed them with open arms, so did the Brown Derby restaurant in Beverley Hills. Yes there’s no snobbery in the USA, waiters are loved and admired, and their yearning to be free offspring know they must always apply to Brown University for admission, better still in the summer they can invite their parents to spend lazy days with them just sitting in the sun on Baileys Beach, Newport, R.I. Yes, I can see it now, Mrs Astors ballroom extended to welcome 501 hopefuls from Queens, or someone stranded at N Y Central offered a room for the night. Yep, it sure is an invigorating place to be.
Hetty Green? Mrs. Astor’s Ballroom? The Brown Derby?
Are you reading some mid-twentieth century primer on railroad barons or something?
Seriously, if you want to talk about socioeconomic strata in the United States then I’m game. But can we at least pretend that the conversation is taking place in the twenty-first century? Or, failing that, the latter half of the twentieth?
Otherwise it’s like arguing the merits of space travel using a wagon-train analogy.
I’m on board with the “it drives me nuts” crowd, especially when people order by saying,
“Give Me…”
“I Want…”
“I’ll take…”
“I’ll Have…”
Is it so hard to say, “I would like…” or {Heaven Forbid} “May I Have…”?
On a side note, when the Missus was in a position of interviewing people, she would routinely go out to the lobby and ask the receptionist their opinion of the candidate.
If he/she was rude to the receptionist, they’d lose serious points for the interview.
It comes down to character.
Every time you discuss American culture solely by reference to pre-WWII books and movies, I’m going to talk about British culture solely by reference to the writings of P.G. Wodehouse. Ok, Fink-Nottle?
Katherine Coble ; Hetty Green? Mrs. Astor’s Ballroom? The Brown Derby?
Exador: When the Missus was in a position of interviewing people, she would routinely go out to the lobby and ask the receptionist their opinion of the candidate. If he/she was rude to the receptionist, they’d lose serious points for the interview. It comes down to character.
Many years ago, 1948 – 1970, I was fascinated with the USA, and wanted to move there. My prodigious reading was done by using library books that were out of date then and more out of date now. I read non fiction, mostly biographies. So I’m stuck in a time warp. The people mentioned may be long dead – but snobbery and it’s full cousin racismn are not.
I do admire Excador post which ends>’ it comes down to character’. The only query I have with this post is ‘How certain is he that the receptionist [a promoted waitress?] ‘wasn’t rude to the applicant, didn’t keep him waiting to be served and wasn’t by reason of her possition a thoroughly dislikeable person”.
Talking of character; Here’s a little secret I discovered years ago BASED ON EXPERIENCE AND MY OWN HIRING MISTAKES , ‘When I was hiring staff I always chose people I liked, applicants who I thought we could work with, who would have the good sense not to be rude, GUESS WHAT, it didn’t work, we had enormous staff problems’. In desperation we lowered our standards, took on staff we didn’t like and who were not our type at all. Success, we started to function, to prosper, we found the well dressed, well educated appplicants flaky to deal with, there education had educated them to act better, but not work better and we noticed they invented a much better class of failure to act excuse.
So whilst character is important its secondary to intention and ability.