Archive for the ‘Lost’ Category

Lost: Eight Months Of This

There will be spoilers (more…)

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I don’t usually post Spoiler Warnings on my Lost posts, because I figure any good discussion of a show after the show has aired will have spoilers in it and most reasonable people could, would and should expect that without the post’s author holding their hand. Tonight is different. Tonight’s episode was the season finale and has big stuff that I’m going to talk, whine, laugh or grouse about. And I don’t want any of you to read this post before watching the show and think to yourself “Wow. Now I hate Coble as much as Coble hates Jack.” Because you’d be wrong. No, you wouldn’t be wrong to hate me, but you would be wrong to think you hate me as much as I hate Jack. Because I truly don’t think it’s possible. Sometimes I wonder if I hate Jack as much as I hate Jack. And then I tell myself that hate is wrong. But then I tell myself that Jack is fictional, so hating him is not as wrong as hating, say, a blogger who spoils the Season Finale of Lost.


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Lost: Paging Dr. Mary Sue

Dear Writers of Lost:

Shall we talk for a few moments about character development? I apologise for taking up so much of your time with silly stuff like this, but I thought maybe I should point something out to you that you may have missed. You have a character who, as you’ve spent more than a few hours reminding us, is a doctor. He went to medical school. He does the bestestest spine operations in the whole wide world. You have another character who, as you’ve spent at least a couple of hours drumming into our head, is an expert elite soldier. He is a cunning war machine. Do you realise how much it hurts me to see you put the doctor in charge of the war effort? I mean, I know you have a bit of a boy-crush on your little Mary Sue Jack, but honestly. This is getting beyond stupid.

Speaking of beyond stupid, what’s up with Charlie shouting his presence in an echo-y tin can sort of place? He had Desmond’s Vision O’ Death (as plagarised from Zork, thank you very much) explained to him, and knew that he wouldn’t be dead until after he flipped the switch. Now he’s got to deal with the heavily-armed chicks in the Looking Glass station. And might I add that I personally look forward to how much you’ll beat the symbolism of that literary reference into the ground? I’ve already appreciated the shot of Charlie’s checkerboard Van floating skyward as he swims to the Looking Glass station. (The book is about a game of chess! Charlie’s shoe looks like a chessboard! Heeeaavvvy, man!) I think I also caught a blond and a red-head holding guns on Charlie at the end, which nicely makes for the Red Queen and the White Queen, although the one gal may have been a brunette.

And now maybe I should take a few moments to talk about the outrigger canoe. Wouldn’t it be much simpler for someone to get in said outrigger, row a distance from the island that would give them a clear signal and contact the “rescue ship” that way? Oh, that’s right. Our lead strategist on Daddy Issue Island is a spine surgeon. Someone who’s mastered anatomy but probably not spent a lot of time as a tactician. Oh well. I guess I’m also the person who thinks that Gandalf should have strapped Frodo to one of the giant birds to fly the ring into Mount Doom, so I’m all for simple solutions to complex problems that eliminate “story”.

Speaking of “stories”, if you are a Mancunian, why are you reading “Catch-22” in the original Portugese? I’m beginning to think there’s more to Naomi than we’re allowed to see right now. Whatever she is–and I’m not quite sure she’s necessarily HUMAN–I think she’s part of the Island’s programming. She clearly relates to each person she comes in contact with on that person’s level. When she was wounded, she spewed conversation in multiple language, sort of like the Voyager Space Probe firing out multiple messages in hopes of landing on some type of receptive ear. She relates to the tech-based Sayid by bonding with him over the sat-phone. She gets her hooks into Desmond by having a picture of Penny tucked away in her book. She bonds with Charlie over (their supposedly shared) Manchester origins. She brings hope of rescue to all the Beach Boys. I think she may be some sort of emotional shape shifter. If we consider the Naomi of the Bible, she is the one to whom the famous “whither thou goest, I will follow” comment is made. (Many people think that was something one of the disciples said to Jesus. They may have, I dunno. But Ruth said it to Naomi first.) That makes me think our Island Naomi is something designed for people to willingly follow. I guess we’ll have to stay tuned on that one.

Things I don’t want to stay tuned for: Whether or not Juliet is a traitor. I don’t care about Juliet. Or Jack.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on a lot, dear writers, and since postage is going up, I should wind up this letter now. (every time I say that I think of Mama’s Family.)

I’ve been looking for a conclusion. My husband suggested one that I’ll go with.

Jack Sucks.

Your devoted and critical fan.

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Lost: Sweet And Becoming

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

When the poet Horace wrote those words many years ago, he probably had no idea I’d be using them on a blog about a television show. But then again, he probably had no idea that pretentious nerds like me were both writing and watching TV.

The pretentious nerds who write Lost named a character in tonight’s episode “Horace Goodspeed” and I swear to you the MOMENT I heard his name, I knew the dude was a goner. Come on. “Goodspeed” of course means good-bye. And naming a character Horace pretty much means that this dude will die in service to his country. That famous phrase from Poet Horace means “It is Sweet and Becoming to Die for one’s country.” It’s on tombstones of fallen soldiers from half the countries on earth. So I figured that poor Horace Goodspeed would be yet another casualty on Daddy Issue Island.*

What I didn’t figure on was that I would spend at least twenty minutes arguing with myself about the writers. I went back and forth and back and forth. Did they mean to steal ninety percent of their story from Carnivale and hope nobody noticed or did they plan this as an out and out homage to that (vastly superior) show? I swear to you, when Management Jacob talked and didn’t speak with Linda Hunt’s voice I was more than a little bit surprised. [Author’s Note: You can catch Carnivale on HBO OnDemand if you are really looking for some good mythic tv that gives ya answers.]

I did think it was clever that Management Jacob seemed to save his urine in jars just like Howard Hughes and I also thought it was interesting that he seemed to have a chair similar to the final resting place of Mom Bates. What wasn’t so clever was Locke turning his back on yet another adversary. You’d think once his Evil!Dad pushed him out of a window, our baldpated but earnest hero would have learned his lesson. But noooooo. Instead he ends up as yet another (possible) casualty piled in Ben’s Genocide Pit.

Seriously. Ben Linus is one messed-up dude. No offense intended to Mr. Abramson or any of the other fine men I know whose name is “Roger” , but that was Ben’s dad’s name and after tonight’s episode I realise just how appropriate a name it was. On the other side of the Atlantic, “Roger” is a slang term for, well, um, anal rape. So naming a horrible dad character “Roger” is basically saying “this man will frak his son up, but good.” Not that the Lost writers are heavy-handed or anything. Nosiree. That whole speech about “I can’t celebrate your birthday because this is really the day you killed your mom” did really soft-shoe around the central point, didn’t it?! Of course, I’ve figured for awhile now that “Ben Linus” would be a guy abandoned in some way by his mother and betrayed by the men in his family. So I knew he had it bad. I guess I should have figured that he’d have a Daddy Issue, what with this being Daddy Issue Island* and all.

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[Editors’ Note: The above paragraph was yet another rant on how stupidly smugly superior Jack is and how the Author wishes he would get gutshot and left in a heap of bones instead of Locke, who is a much more interesting character. But we, your editors, think that the Author spends far too much time Hatin’ on Jack, so we made her take that paragraph out. ]

Well, since They won’t let me write about Jack and Kate (notice how both of their names are four-letter words….? Yeah. Me too), I guess I’ll just move to my free-form Nerd Ponderings.

  • Hmm. People must age differently on the Island. Notice how Richard hasn’t really changed at all, other than losing his Jesus haircut.
  • The Lost Writers must have watched the same Jonestown movie I saw a couple of weeks ago, because how much did that camp of dead Dharmites look like Jonestown (with less money for extras)?
  • Knowing that Shambala was playing when Ben took his Mean!Dad Roger for one last generic beer sure does give a creepy new meaning to the lyric “wash away my troubles / wash away my pain”, doesn’t it?
  • Exactly how many episodes will it be before they hit us over the head with Annie’s little “Ben” doll? You know, where the doll turns up in some creepily unexpected way and we all go ::Gasp!:: “That’s the OTHER DOLL from Ben’s Birthday Present! How cool are the writers for springing this on us?” Yeah. Word of advice, writers. We see that shoe droppin’ from here.
  • Speaking of those dolls, did anyone else get a wierd Boo Radley vibe off them, or was it just me? I wonder if Ben keeps his in a box with an old spelling medal and some gum.
  • Was that a painting of a DOG in Management Jacob’s Creepy Hut, or were my eyes deceiving me?
  • The salt/ash circle around Management Jacob’s Creepy Hut makes me think that he’s being held there by some sort of spell. And that perhaps Jacob has something to do with Dharma.

I’m sure I’ll think of other things after I sleep on it, but this is all I came up with off the top of my head. (*And I would love to give credit to the person who first called it Daddy Issue Island, but I can’t remember who it was or where I saw it. It was most likely a commenter at Alan Sepinwall’s joint. )

UPDATE: OMGOSH! I can’t believe I forgot this most important part!


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Smoke if you want. Quit if you want. I’ll support you either way. But since the ‘Coma wants to quit, I have to help her the best way I know how.

Serious Motivational Aids antismoking.jpg

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The analysis of nerdbait:

  • Every philosophy geek in the country chuckled at the “Rousseau”; “Locke” exchange. I think that was my favourite nerd shout-out until…
  • Sawyer dispatched of the Evil Con Man Jabba-the-Hut style. Come on! That totally rocked, ladies and gentlemen. Totally and completely.
  • Sawyer’s mother’s name was Mary. Don’t have to reach too far to make the Christ analogy here.
  • Sawyer is from Jasper, Alabama. In Judaica, Jasper is the stone on the breastplate of the High Priest that represents the tribe of Benjamin. In the book of Revelation the New Jerusalem is described as “shining like Jasper”.
  • The Parachute Woman’s official name has been given unto us. She is Naomi Dorrit. Naomi, of course, is the kindly mother-in-law in the Book of Ruth. Dorrit is most probably attributable to what I consider to be Charles Dickens’ most boring and confusing work, Little Dorrit. The book is similar to LOST in that much of it is a confusing mess. I assume the Lost writers were actually going more for the whole “we are all in prisons of our own making” angle. That’s the overarching theme of Little Dorrit. But, hey, you know, the “boring and confusing” works too.
  • I loved the closing image of Locke carrying his father’s body, burdened down for the journey just like Pilgrim.

This episode was quite a few ticks up from last week’s. There were satisfying resolutions to lingering storylines and just enough intrigue to keep the pulse rate up.   I wonder if the writers will ever realise that Jack is their weak point.    I swear he’s more irritating than a sandpaper penis.  I love how he just insisted that he be invited on the boys’ next camping trip.   Like, dude, they DON’T WANT YOU ALONG.

I had more I wanted to rant about regarding Jack, Kate and Juliet, but you know what?  There’s nothing left to say.   They’re all jerks and dorks.  I hate all three of those characters.   There’s nothing redeeming about any of them.     The show is always far better when focused on other people.

Next week’s episode looks as though it will rock solidly.  I’m actually looking forward to Lost again.

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Well, that was boring.  I think we got a grand total of 4 minutes of interesting/entertaining action, thinly spread over a lot of dull.

  • Sun speaks for all of us when she says “Go Away, Kate!” and “I want answers”.
  • Unfortunately, Sun DOES not act for all of us.   She has a golden opportunity to take Jack out with her shovel and promptly bury his body in the freshly dug earth of her garden.  But does she? NO!
  • Heh.  Her garden is under a big W.
  • I can’t come up with anything more deep and philosophical from tonight’s episode other than a brief notation that the pilot was wounded with a side piercing just like Christ.
  • Who on earth walks into the jungle in the dead of night with someone they already suspect of foul deeds?   Seriously, if the baby doesn’t kill Sun, Darwinism will.
  • It’s really getting tedious that the Others don’t just pop on over to the Beach Boys and say “hey, welcome to the Island.  We’ve got a few problems, and need your help.   We’ll trade you some chicken and teevee for a shot at your biological matter.”   That would get things done in a much more interesting fashion than all this skulking and skullduggery.
  • You’d think that if the island can heal your paralysis, up your sperm count and, heck,  bring you back to life, that you would get your eye back and some work done on your teeth as well.   Seriously, that Russian dude got a bum deal.
  • So we sat through all the boring stuff about “shame yo mama’s a ho” just to get to the big reveal that the plane had been found and all the passengers were dead.    I reckon this will cause the Purgatory theory to come up again, even though it was debunked.   Frankly, I think the Island is about regeneration, hence the reappearance of Comrade Patchy.    At this point, though, they’re taking too long to get there.

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200px-sodoma_sebastian.jpg::spoilers o’course::

“Where’s the wire?” Desmond asks in the opening minutes of this episode, reminding me of my own questions for tv writers the world over. Where, indeed, is The Wire? I miss that cohesive feel of being part of a novel-for-television experience. Oh well. Until Season Five of The Wire premiers, we’re all under Jack’s protection. Good thing, too.

Tonight’s episode of Lost was neither spectacular nor terrible, so it’s sort of hard to recap. I can’t bitch about its awfulness and I can’t rave about its greatness. So I’m just going to do my version of “delayed liveblogging” to let you all know how excruciating it can be to actually watch Lost in my presence.

  • Goody. Comic book dialogue. I remember when this was funny-slash-innovative. Dear Writers: Kevin Smith called and wants his schtick back.
  • Cool! They shot Charlie in the voice-box. Maybe this will shut him up once and for all. Then again, if he’s dead, weren’t all the excruciating stories about him kicking the horse just a waste of time? Why get clean and sober if you’re just gonna end up skewered in the throat? Oh. wait. It’s just another one of Desmond’s “visions”. Bummer.
  • Huh. So that’s what Desmond looks like without hair. And he’s a monk. Boy, this show sure does love its Catholicism, doesn’t it? Is everyone on the island Catholic? (Husband: Well, except the Korean people. Me: Many Koreans are Christians. Husband: But not necessarily Catholic. Me: On this show, trust me. They’re Catholic. )
  • So Desmond’s order requires a vow of silence. That clears things up. The writers on the show who actually handle the Solutions To Long-Standing Mysteries must have taken the same vow. Gotcha.
  • Sigh. Again with making me miss other TV shows. Sawyer asks Kate for “Afternoon Delight”. I flash back to fond memories of Michael Bluth and Maeby Funke’s duet at the Bluth Co. Christmas party. This clears my mental palate from the shot of Kate’s “sexy” naked butt. Good thing they had that relatively early in the show. At least 50% of the audience isn’t gonna care about anything that happens after that.
  • Please, Hurley. That’s your big idea for getting Jin into the jungle? A Camping trip? Dudes, you are all living in tents.
  • Moriah Vineyards. Way to kill my fun by explaining outright that Mt. Moriah was where Abraham was tested by sacrificing Isaac. Don’t you know that my investigations into the cryptic are the only things that keep me going on Wednesday night? Oh well. At least I got a catchy blog title (which no one will get) out of it.
  • How much of a BSD is Jack? Honestly. Dude, just admit that you freakin’ lost the pingpong game already. “Just because I haven’t played since I was 12.” I swear, that dude is a raging (cover your eyes, mom) buttbucket. I’d just leap over the table and start whaling on him with the paddle.
  • Joseph Heller and Catch-22. You have to be crazy to fly, but you can’t fly if you’re crazy. Cool. We get it. Still not seeing where they were trying to go with all that symbolism. Maybe someday I will understand. ::laughs hysterically at the faint hope of getting some answers from Lost.::
  • All the talk about Desmond doing Penance, and he falls for a girl named Penny. Cool. I get that.
  • Okay, this may just be me and I accidentally deleted my TiVo before checking. But when Desmond was in the Old Head Monk’s office turning in his Monk Robe, there was a picture on the OHM’s desk which looked like a version of the Desmond/Penny picture, except the two people were older. Is OHM maybe like some wierd alternate form of Future Desmond? Or am I putting too much hope in the writers’ ability to pull things together like that? I’ll have to go to ABC.Com to check it out.

Anyway, that’s what it’s like to watch “Lost” at my house. This week I took notes to “liveblog” it, which spared my husband the grief of hearing me yell at the TV. But I do feel like a geek for taking notes on a TV show. Oh well.

Where is The Wire?

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::spoilers, gang::

Check out the big ego on Dr. Jack!

So no one is to even bother questioning Juliet’s infiltration into the Beach Boys because she is “under [Jack’s] protection”? How exactly is he going to enforce this special protective magic? Laser beams from his eyes? Look, we all know Jack has this gaping vulnerability when it comes to tragic blondes. I mean, if the fellow were Stateside he’d probably end his days drinking rye and warbling along to ‘Candle In The Wind’. Of course his judgment regarding Juliet is going to be impaired! The rest of us, however, could pretty much call Juliet’s Mata Hari thing from miles yonder. And if he thought about it for more than five seconds and with more than his twig’n’berries, Jack could have spotted the hole in Juliet’s little tale about Claire. After all, he’s been running around for a few weeks with Rousseau, who is fit as a fiddle and ready for war after giving birth to HER child on the Island. Where was her need for a magic shot? Yes, Juliet said that she engineered Claire’s system, but only because Claire’s death in childbirth was inevitable–like all the other women who’ve given birth on the Island. Jack, there’s a little game we folks out in the world like to play. It’s called “I call BS!” You should brush up on the rules. Maybe he’s still pondering the origin of his tattoos. (Weighty subject that it was…) I’m still questioning his judgment about not moving the camp inland to the village. Why scrounge blankets and a lean-to for his new BFF when there are perfectly-plumbed houses with electric lights half a day’s walk inland? Oh well. I am clearly no leader of men.

There were several brainteaser goodies in tonight’s episode. And I’m confessing now that these are fast becoming my favourite parts of Lost. They remind me of those hidden-object pictures in Highlights.

  • The transportation used to escort Juliet to the Island was Hererat (sp?). From my dim recollections I believe this is an archaic term used for what we now call Mt. Ararat. That is the location given for the final resting place of Noah’s Ark.
  • Does this point to the Island being a survivalist reclaimation laboratory of some sort? A kind of genetically-engineered Ark to preserve the species?

  • The first woman who died, who according to Ben “chose” to be pregnant was named…Sabine. Pardon me if I don’t necessarily believe a woman called Sabine necessarily had a pregnancy of her own volition. I think this is yet another clue to the Island’s being some type of against-their-will lab. With all the Enlightenment philosopher names floating around, I find it hard to believe that the concept of force vs. free will is NOT going to be examined by the producers.
  • At last.  We discover the Book Club’s King Tome Of Choice to be Carrie.   Why is this significant?   Please tell me that Lost will not be taking the Grey’s Anatomy route of having a prom in the season finale?!  I kid.  I actually think that Carrie is the significant choice because that novel is about a girl with a psychokinetic power rebelling against a strictly religious mother.   The Island is already full of wars between Science and Religion, Faith and Reason, Blind Trust and Skepticsm.   Of all the King novels, Carrie is the one which most openly addresses those themes.   And it also involves a great deal of menstrual blood, tying in nicely with all this fertility jazz.

So what did I think over all?   I’m on a rewarming trend toward the show, but Jack and Kate and anything to do with them still acts like a bucket of icewater on my loins.   So as long as we’ve got Hurley, Sawyer and some answers, I’m back on board.

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Ahhh. Jack and Kate and Juliette, how I’ve missed thee. Here I was, growing used to episodes of Lost that were both entertaining and enlightening.

Sawyer and Hurley? Entertaining, but relegated to the Gimli & Legolas/Rosenkrantz & Guildenstern comic relief bits. That’s especially unfortunate, given that a lot actually hinged on Sawyer’s storyline. We do know, however, that his sperm motility factor is high enough to spork Kim Dickens’ character with a little grifterlet. So there’s tonight’s big reveal.

This next paragraph was where I was going to have a bunch of disgruntled chatter about how cute it was for the producers to default to having a wet-tshirt scene, a cat-fight scene, TWO women-in-peril scenes and a mud-wrestling scene. (Whattup, guys? Could you NOT also find a way to work a rape scene in there? Come on, you had 44 minutes at your disposal. How can it be a Greatest Hits Of Sexploitation show without a rape? ) But I decided to not write that paragraph, because I had to save room for the moment in time where I go all Wayne Brady on Fearless Leader Jack.

Now, I realise this is all purely hypothetical. But let’s just pretend for a minute that I am the leader of these forty-odd folk stranded on this tropical island. Let’s say these 40-odd people have been living on the beach under tarps and twigs for several months now. Among these people is at least one newborn. Now let’s pretend that I’ve come across a perfectly great abandoned village with houses and plumbing. You know what I’d do? I’d move the 40-odd people to the houses and the plumbing. I would NOT leave the cozy village and go traipsing back to Hooverville By The Sea.

But that’s just me. And it’s probably why I’ll never get a cool Chinese tat.

Postlude: So I told my spouse that I usually enjoy looking for the symbolism in the episodes but just didn’t see any tonight. He said:

I think tonight’s symbolism is that Kate has always been self-absorbed, and even major life-changing events like a plane crash won’t change the fact that Kate is still self-absorbed.

I guess that about sums it up.

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