I’ve looked at the blank WordPress screen for a few minutes now, trying to decide which topic to write about. Phone calls and emails and Facebook Status Updates have left me more frustrated, angry and depressed than I’ve been for a long while.
I toyed with writing about one of those topics that has upset me but it occurs to me just what a blue language waste of time that would be. I’ve written about all of these subjects before. I’ve included links to scientific data which underscore my point. I’ve been incredibly candid about my personal life in order to make a point–at great cost to my natural introversion. Yet the points go not only unconsidered but, frankly, it appears they go unheard as well.
Now I’m left with only frustration and anger and the millstone of hopelessness.
Where do I put that?
I’ve seen a lot of people who share the same faith background and culture that I grew up in and I see them so blinded by anger that they would rather embrace the hot stew of heedless hate than come to grips with changes in the world.
I can’t be that and I can’t do that. But here I am watching what are essentially human rights violations caused by government intrusion and being unable to do anything about it. Anything.
Yet I don’t want to be that angry person who hates everything and grudgingly moves about in society. I don’t want my anger to be more important to me than my sanity, my relationships, my faith.
So what do I do with it? Where do I put it? How do I make it productive or minimise it so that at the very least it isn’t intrusive? I don’t want anger to rule me as it festers.
But I am angry.
I’m allowed to be angry. I remember at one point speaking honestly about the things that made me angry got me censured by someone who told me I had really bad manners and they weren’t speaking to me anymore. Actually they said that behind my back. Which strikes me as really bad manners now that I think about it. Anyway, I thought about that a lot and I thought ” you know what? That’s bull. I have just as much right to be angry as another person. ” So yes, I’m allowed to be angry. Please don’t think that by my asking where I put that anger that I’m looking for folks to tell me to not be angry. Anger isn’t a sin, it isn’t part of the Dark Side. (What a philosopher that greedbag Lucas turned out to be, eh?)
Anger is ok. It can be an engine of change, theoretically. But when it isn’t, what do you do with it?