I have no idea why this is happening. I mean, I am sure it’s a kidney stone type thing. But lately I’ve been plagued by the feeling that wasps are flying around inside my left kidney. I keep getting random sharp stinging twinges. It’s different than other times and types of kidney stone pain. Whenever it happens I’m alternately annoyed by the pain and intrigued by what could be causing it.
That’s the fun part about being sick for me. (I mean that in actuality, not sarcastically.) I enjoy pondering how the various breakages that occur in my system provide information on how the system functions. Ninety percent of the time a new pain is kind of like a new puzzle in some sort of video game. How did that start happening and what does it mean?
Now that I type this out I realise it makes me sound seriously hypchondriacal. That’s an accusation that bothers me deeply, but I hear it often; I’ve even heard it from people who say they’re my friends.* People who aren’t often ill or troubled by physical problems often think that those who are must be faking it or exaggerating for effect; malingering their way through life to avoid problems. It’s a common misperception, but one that bothers me a great deal–perhaps a great deal more than it should.
When my husband was in China for ten days I rose to the occasion to the best of my ability. We had friends come in to help, but there are just some things that a person with a not-entirely-housebroken-yet puppy and an elderly, incontinent dog just doesn’t feel comfortable asking other people to do. I suppose I maybe should have done; babysitters change diapers on human babies. I just felt like the dogs were my responsibility. I took them on and it’s not right to bail once it becomes icky or the slightest bit difficult. So I gutted it out for a week and a half. I’m glad I did because it reassured me that I’m not the malingerer I sometimes worry folks may think I am.
Still and all, as fun as this whole exercise in therapeutic writing has been, I still have a wasp-y kidney and it’s getting on my nerves.
*One of these days I’m going to have to write a blog entry focusing on the reasons why some people see “friendship” as an open door to abuse you emotionally.