People Who Don’t Have A TV
That is a life choice, and one that you have every right to make. Making that choice does not automatically turn you into Einstein or Ghandi or some sort of a saint. You are not better than people who have tvs any more than people who don’t have boats are better than those who do. In fact, the way some of you go on and on about your Super Hipster Wonderfulness…you might be a little bit worse.
People Who Have Cancelled Their Cable
This is kind of a subset of the first one. In this economy it’s pretty common anymore for people to think “here’s a hundred bucks or two I could use for, like, food and stuff.” So there are a lot of people cancelling their cable. They can see and apply announcement #1 with the following addendum:
Stop telling everyone about it like you’re Warren Buffet or Alan Greenspan. It’s a basic household budget decision, not some great economic plan. We are not impressed.
People Who Get Their TV Shows Via Hulu
Yes, you’re smart. You’re hip and you’re cool. But you made that choice and so you can stay out of Twitter or off Facebook or, at the very least, off the forum talk boards for certain shows. Nothing is more aggravating than gathering to talk about a show only to have some budget-conscious hipster start raving about “Stop! I can’t see it until tomorrow! We Watch it on HULU!!!” If you save money by watching a show with a 24-hour delay, don’t hang around the water cooler.
People Who Watch Shows Via Netflix
These people are a thousand times worse and they drive me nuts. If you are getting a show in packaged form on Netflix that means you aren’t seeing it until two to ten months have passed. Do NOT go into someone else’s conversation where they are plainly talking about the show and then yell at them for spoiling it for you. This actually happened to me this morning. If you know you won’t see Eureka’s current season until Thanksgiving, don’t go to someone’s Facebook conversation about last night’s episode. Honestly.
Also, maybe you better not post snotty, snooty highbrow tweets like “Finally watching LOST on Netflix. Thought I’d try to see what all the fuss was about.” I know that you want to spin it like you aren’t the last kid on your block with X-Ray Specs, but this makes you come off like a tool.
People Who Watch Shows Via Pirate Bay
Honestly? Screw you. Just. SCREW YOU. I don’t say that often. But I say it now and I mean it.
I pay for HBO. That doesn’t make me a sucker; that doesn’t make me gullible; that doesn’t mean I’m wealthy. It means that I am a grown-up and I pay money for things that are for sale. I don’t steal.
You’re not striking some blow for Open Source. You’re just a cheap jerk who has no problem downloading Game Of Thrones and Mad Men and True Blood even though you don’t pay for HBO.