I don’t know what’s happened to Facebook in the last two weeks. Around Christmas time it was a place where a lot of dialogue was happening. Now it’s bumpersticker-funny picture central. I think most people are probably too downcast to be comfortable sharing what’s in their hearts and so they resort to the constant recycling of motivational snapshots. It’s like going to a cocktail party where everyone is holding a favourite joke up on a stick like a mask while remaining mute.
The problem with this approach is that more and more often folks aren’t thinking about the things they aren’t saying. One look and one quick emotional reaction and then “boom”! Shared! That happened today when this unfortunate picture started making the rounds:
Most people look at that and see the boy’s smile, his human feet replaced with prosthetics and the fact that he’s about to bust through the slogan like the winner’s tape at the end of the run. The natural reaction is to think “what a darling child!” and “if he can run without feet, I can make it until 5:00pm and deal with this annoying coworker!” So they pass it on.
What they don’t see is that there is a world of people out there–and yes, I’m one of them, which is why I’m reacting this way–who cannot run races because they are disabled by body parts that cannot be replaced. There is a world of people out there who are trying to come to grips with being told that they will never be able to [Fill In The Blank] because they have [Fill In The Blank]. And that’s not to mention the many people who are without feet AND don’t have the insurance money for fancy runner’s prosthetics.
These things aren’t “excuses”, they’re real problems. In my world “you have dozens of irremovable tumors pressing against the nerves in your body” and “your immune system is destroying your joint tissue” and “your internal organs are fused together by the equivalent of Gut Kudzu” are real things I have to deal with every day. In my world getting out of bed is sometimes harder than running a race. But I do it. I used to love to run and I no longer can. Are those things excuses? Is there a way I can run even though multiple doctors tell me it’s the worst possible idea? I can swim, do yoga and pilates and other low-impact excercise. Which I do. But I can’t run. Is that an excuse?
And is it _Invalid_? Touchy word to use with people like me in the first place. We used to be called that all the time, albeit with the accent on a different syllable. We know that for centuries society thought we didn’t matter.
Now it seems society is enlightened enough to think that WE matter but that our PROBLEMS don’t. What glorious progress!
Just Another Pretty Farce 
Your description of FB as lorgnette cocktail party is spot on. I’m about to block the worst offender among my “friends” for just that.
I hesitate to address your larger complaint, only because I think you are totally, completely, utterly correct and I don’t have standing to say more. The message is patronizing and nonsensical and seems almost equivalent to offering the Marilyn Monroe Meme for body issues: http://www.shamelessmag.com/blog/2011/12/the-marilyn-meme/ . (If this is an invidious comparison, please feel free to disregard.)
That’s funny, Jess, because when I first saw that picture my 3rd or 4th reaction (after “oh brother” and “how exploitative and rude” and “I have to write on this”) was that it reminded me so much of the Marilyn Meme.
Compare yourself to someone else for validation, thereby reducing yourself AND the other person to less than individual status.
It’s that kind of bull crap that has me so irked at the current FB culture. People aren’t thinking things thru before passing them along.
Thoughts from another ‘disabled’ person: it’s not what you can’t do that matters; it’s what you can do that counts.
Self-pity to be a vicious narcotic I have to avoid like the plague and comparison is a tool of Hell.
Joke ’em if they can’t take a …
Get up and keep on keeping on.
I feel as though the snapshots of my thought processes here do make it seem as though I’m self-pitying far more than I truly am.
I accept who and what I am and I’m happy with it. But I do sort of have a wildly pedagogical / pedantic nature. And I feel like part of my responsibility is to say “I’m in a place you probably haven’t thought about and this is a point of view that may be new to you. Mull it over.”
So I don’t write these things as a PityKat party. I write them as Missives from Another Lifestyle.
I hear you and didn’t mean that to come off as Condescending Advice.
They’re some of my own hard-learned lessons.
In Christ,
patrick t.
Oh, it didn’t sound condescending at all! I’m sorry…
Ive just caught myself in really negative frame of mind (ESP. On FB and Twitter) and am trying hard to not be whingey. So I was sort of explaining that I wasn’t trying to be whingey and embarrassed that the harder I try the more I fail at it.
🙂
Pardon the brevity and the typos. This was sent from my iPhone.
I appreciate your comments here but I think the real message of the picture is for those of us who either have no challenges (physically, mentally, etc.) or whose challenges are minor by comparison.
Seeing how all disabled people conquer debilitating situations and turn them into “inconveniences” is an inspiration to all.
The problem with memes and propaganda like the picture in question is that they are simplistic enough to be taken multiple ways. To say that your interpretation is the “real” one is belittling to all the other inferences that people take away from this.
As to the rest, Bridgett covers it quite nicely.
Disabled people (mostly) reject the idea that they are or should be “inspirational.” We all live our life with the hand we’ve been dealt and if we live long enough, we’ll all be disabled. I know that non-disabled people think they are being kind and complimentary, commending disabled people for overcoming socio-economic and medical obstacles (the majority of which “problems” *could be removed* by the non-disabled if they’d get their head out of their behinds…but hey, as long as the disabled can “overcome,” no problem!)
However, the language of specialness and exceptionality, no matter how well-intentioned, continues to place disabled people in a different category of humanity — not like “us” when in fact disabled people are pretty much exactly like “us” (except with fewer resources and tremendously higher unemployment and health insurance rates). As Kat points out, disabled people who can’t be jammed into the “inspirational” category (or who are in too much pain or too poor) continue to be seen as failures…not be trying hard enough to be a heroic overcomer. Invalid excuses.
Thank you Bridgett, for saying what I was going to only better. 🙂
Pardon the brevity and the typos. This was sent from my iPhone.
I’m disabled and still find this inspiring because it reminds me that things could be worse for me. Also that I’m not alone.
People are reading way too much into this…. rediculous… its an amazing picture of a little boy surpassing all that he is faced with… bottom line!
Not impressed with your personal take on this photo. Just because your disability isn’t one that can be “fixed” with a prosthetic doesn’t mean you haven’t overcome it in one way or another.
There are many people who BECOME disabled and wallow in self pity – however there are those who over come those obstacles to live the life THEY want.
Your opinion is just that – an opinion. Here is mine; your extremely negative reaction to this “propaganda” is telling. What is it that you want to do that your disability is stopping you from accomplishing? What have you done? tried? considered doing to overcome what stands in your way? What is YOUR excuse?
Your disability isn’t an EXCUSE which is what YOU imply with your rebuttal.
So now I”m a bad guy for finding this little guy’s triumph inspirational? Wow.
It is a sad sad day when one’s inspirational story of success and the idea of posting a picture showing the possibility of acheivement against the odds is taking as an offensive statement. I see your point that not all can do what the young man can but can’t we just be happy for him? And even though you may not have the same financial capabilities is there something people said or thought you couldnt do that you have done? Maybe you can’t run a race but take the image for what its intent is. Amazing things can be achieved against all odds.
These are many thoughtful statements of various POVs, but the bottom line is that we ALL wish to be inspired, we all hope to help those around us to ALSO become inspired, and we use FB to capture inspiring thoughts we stumble upon in any one day and use the gift of our web access to simply say something positive that might find a place in someone else’s heart. If anyone’s heart is not open, they will find no JOY in any of it! That I can understand.
When I post something positive, it is NEVER my intention to create pain in another’s mind or heart; I cannot do that better than that person whose heart is already in pain. For them, their biggest struggle is NEVER the mere getting through their day. Instead, their greatest struggle is in finding their way back to their essence, where inner peace reigns forever in our immortal soul. To do that, they are required to find their own way past any anger, grief, resentment or regret about their unique condition, and to demand once and for all that they experience JOY no matter what!!
“Disabled” humans are gifted by the force of their circumstance to work harder than many other humans, either to survive, or to find a calm, happy place within that you would ever otherwise have been required to, had you not had those disabilities.I’ve watched countless humans with grievous problems who nevertheless, through GREAT struggle, found JOY at LAST! THAT is a WIN of MAGNITUDE.
For this reason, I see EVERY disability as God’s gift to the individual. The fact that some are yet unable to recognize their situation of pain, misery, and depression as ANY kind of gift is what prevents them from experiencing the joyfulness of the little boy without legs who didn’t know any better than to feel ecstatic JOYFULNESS upon being able to FLY his feet down that track! HE was IN-SPIRED by his newfound ability. To call his emotion joyfulness may be an understatement. THIS IS THE PROMISE OF EVERY DISABILITY, that IF you can come to SEE AND WEAR your condition as a gift and not as a yoke of despair, you too can find new joy in every moment where YOUR SPIRIT triumphs over your own personal “run through life”.
As I see it, our goal, as spiritual beings is NEVER to merely find comfort. There is no true joy in any comfort … only momentary relief. But to find JOY WITHIN, by somehow rising above our bodies aching, burning, itching, overwhelming physical or mental sensations … THAT is the greatest triumph of all, and our repeated failures to find “that secret path” to JOY is what brings the disabled their despair and depression. However, each person’s secret path is their very own, for them alone to discover. It’s a path WITHIN their deepest heart where no one else can go to help them. Yet, inspiration exists EVERYWHERE, for it alone is sometimes our only gift of any connection with hope. For me, that inspiration is ALWAYS there if I simply look for it. When I don’t look, I don’t see.
Only when we rise up from despair, difficult decision by an even more difficult decision, can we ever reach JOY, that elusive place of spiritual transcendence of the physical, emotional and mental challenges we’ve been given, To the degree of profound despair we can feel, to that same measure and degree we are promised that JOY AWAITS if we simply KNOW in our hearts that we want joy more than we want any other possible result in our lives. YouTube and other inspirational videos are always there if we CHOOSE to find examples that will lift OUR spirits when they are at their lowest ebb, albeit not always easy to do.
Take heart, those of you who have been looking at your gifts as though they were a curse. Of COURSE you feel terrible, carrying around a feeling of having been cursed. Instead of believing THAT lie, OPEN your gifts; cease to resist them, and find the JOY that exists in every moment wherein the SPIRIT rises up out of the pain of the physical universe. You are FAR, FAR more powerful than you have ever been allowed to believe. AND you have a Source of Higher Power that is always at the ready to in-spire you. Looking at the positives in YOUR life, the doctors you have met, the friends you have made, the rarity and uniqueness of your gift, all of them are your benefits. You have been given a new world to explore, a new adventure, AND the very heart that CAN in fact HANDLE all of it, once you see it as your gift. You are blessed.
I LOOKED AT THE SMILE ON THIS CHILDS FACE AND THOUGHT WHAT HEART HE HAD…. I DO NOT HAVE A DISABILITY AND I THANK GOD FOR THAT….. BUT I DO NOT THINK PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK WERE TRYING TO BELITTLE ANYONE…. THE WAY THINGS ARE TODAY WE ALL NEED ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT WE CAN GET… I PRAY THAT WE ALL OVERSOME WHAT EVER IT IS BEFORE US….. GOD BLESS ALL…..
I like the sentiment of this photo in general, but I don’t like that it is directed toward someone else, “You.”
I’ve created my own personal series like this that reads “My excuse is invalid.”
bravo and well said
I think of this picture every time I am running and it seems to be getting tough – and I am always amazed how much further I can go. How can that be a bad thing?
Your reaction to the photo is unique as is everyone else’s reaction. However, I find your reaction to be in the minority, which doesn’t make it wrong. But it also doesn’t make it right. I’m sorry that you cannot see the positive nature of the post.
Sounds like someone has a serious case of the crankies. Yes the world friggin sucks. Just because some people get lucky or are in the right place at the right time doesn’t give you the right to be so hateful towards them or towards those who might find inspiration in their story. Just because you can’t find the positive in it doesn’t give you the right to slam eveyone who does. If the picture offends you that stinkin much then don’t look at it! Duh.
I think that you missed the point of the photo and the message: this kid is so joyful and he overcame what most of us would consider an entirely legitimate excuse to not run. We can’t all overcome every single obstacle life brings along, but I think virtually all of us set limits on ourselves that are not valid.
cris
whether emotionally, mentally or physically challenged we are all basically the same on the inside. why do some dye their hair blue, wear ‘bumper stickers’ for their latest cause across their chests and call it a tee shirt, wearmismatched shoes, or insist on driving a mercedes? because we all want to be noticed for WHO WE REALLY ARE on the inside, not just what is revealed by our bodies. inside, we are just quirky, broken, lonely, triumphant, hungry people, looking to be known and be loved; handicapped or not. the walls of separation, the “us” and “them” must come down so that hostility, pity, predjudice and ignorance can be replaced with love, peace, joy, and freedom. we can all find inspiration in each others’ lives and support each other in challenges. it’s ok to find this little boy inspiational, but don’t over-sensationalize him.
By far most of the people who disagree with this post are relatively healthy. No one is saying that the picture isn’t heartwarming or even inspirational. But the message is not. The message “Your excuses are invalid” is accusing and judgemental. It is NEVER helpful or beneficial to tell someone to compare themselves (especially unfavorably) with another person in a different circumstance. I had the same knee jerk reaction when I first saw this. This message was presumable made for the general population. So the implication is that anyone who isn’t running is using excuses and they aren’t valid. Those of us with invisible, chronic, painful, debilitating, unfixable disabilities often feel judged and looked down upon mostly because we are. This just adds to that frustration. I love the look of fun and accomplishment on this sweet boys face in the picture. I am so glad he can now run and enjoy it. I, however cannot run but a few steps before I would pass out and not be able to breath, not to mention the pain. That’s ok. I mean I dont like it, but I’ve accepted it. I can still find enjoyment in life in other ways. But the thing is, no one would ever post a picture of me doing laundry as an inspiration to others. Even though I feel certain it is as difficult or more difficult than running is for this sweet boy. Most people I know seem more interested in what Im NOT doing that they think I should be able to just make myself do, than considering the triumphs and accomplishments I am able to do. So then I see this and think, “Gahhh. Who do you think you are judging people??? You dont know me or my situation. My reasons ARE VALID” Maybe a little knee jerkish and overboard, but it is still true.
I did not think about running at all when I saw this picture. I thought about making excuses in life in general. For me this picture is about what we should accompiish in life based on our circumstances, resources available, etc. I love this picture and it reminds me not to make excuses in my life but do what is required of me. Mark 14: 8a “She did what she could.” My excuses are not valid. I have been searching for this picture for a long time. I am thrilled to find it! How can I get permission to use it? I work in foster care and really would love to use it
Did you ever think that it is not about you?