After the jump I’m going to be leaving behind an infodump of some incredibly personal information that may make some folks squeamish. So please feel free to not click through.
I went to the hospital last night–it’s been six months, after all, and I think that my body has a sort of clock that says we must visit the ER at least twice a year. I had passed a kidney stone on Wednesday morning and felt an incredible amount of pain still lingering. I thought it was perhaps another stone. We went through the usual steps, one of which is a CT scan.
Both of my ovaries are incredibly enlarged. And this could mean many things. After all, I’ve had Endometriosis forever and it could be that. It could be ovarian cysts–I’ve had those before too.
It could also be ovarian cancer. Granted, the chances of that are slim. But I found myself thinking about that possible outcome a lot on the way home. I know that our God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear but of hope. Part of the You’ve Been Saved package is the courage to know that God makes the rugged places plain.
Still and all, the thought of an essential part of who I am turning against me is discomfiting to say the least. And then the thought of yanking out these parts is equally freeing and troubling. What do I do if I’m not that person anymore?
And then there’s my family. I know a husband and two dogs isn’t much. It’s not like the Waltons or the Duggars or something. But these fellows need me. I just held my little rescue Schipperke on my lap and looked at him and realised that I’m not ready to go on yet because he still needs his mom.
And of course none of this is happening yet. It’s in all likelihood just the endometriosis being snotty again. Nevertheless, it does make you think. Or me think. Whatever. And when I think I write. And when I write I think maybe someone else out there will get this and think “yeah, me too” or “I wonder if that’s how it is in my wife’s head?” Either way, when I write the things that tease my mind it’s like putting them in a bottle and throwing them out to sea to be carried far away.