There is, out there on the internet, a place where people have anonymously recorded their experiences with recreational drug use for everything from caffeine to meth.
I stumbled across it about two years ago when I was double-checking the interactions with one of my newer medications (i.e. could I take Tramadol with Benadryl). Even now when I go to double-check a pharmaceutical side effect that page occasionally pops up.
And I can’t help but read it. And then I get mad. And then I read it again.
I’ve been trying very hard lately to avoid having pity parties for myself because they just aren’t productive. All that happens is that you spend your wheels in the poor-me mud for fifteen minutes and then there you are, fifteen minutes poorer and grumpy to boot. But I have been having a really difficult time lately avoiding the outrage I feel at what seems like others wasting good health on stupidity.
It’s so very not libertarian of me. So very not judge-not-lest of me. I’d honestly say it’s one of the traits I need to work on the most, and I suppose that’s why I’m admitting here. Hello, my name is Katherine and I’m filled with anger at recreational drug users.
I understand addicts. I really do. But in my mind an addict is someone with a health problem not unlike mine. So while some of the trappings of addiction, like the urge to make heroes out of those who are in rehab, annoy me I don’t really get enraged at addicts. I feel bad for them.
But these recreational drug users, like the kinds over on this website I’m mentioning, they burn me up. You read their stories and they go into great detail about taking six or seven times the basic dose of a medication that people like me take to survive. And they take it “just to see what happens” or to make the Cartoon Network seem funnier or NPR seem deeper. They talk about going into mindless trances for days while they coccoon in the pillowy bliss of their high. They talk about the sick grandmothers and neighbours and aunts they’ve stolen the pills from and the friends who take them to the hospital when they go into a drooling seizure in front of the television.
It makes me so very angry, these people who have health and time and energy and some level of wits about them. These gifts they don’t even see as gifts, the precious things they carelessly discard as they break relationships to tickle their mind.