–I think synthesizer rock music died because everybody got answering machines and touchtone phones. All the beeps and boops and tiddles stopped sounding like The Wave Of The Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades and started reminding you of being a receptionist at a switchboard.
–If she’s a “Dark beauty wearing dark glasses” how, exactly, can you tell she’s got “dark shadows under long false lashes”? Mr. Vanelli, were you on substances when you wrote that back in my high school days?
–Having iTunes and YouTube make your life feel like you’re living in the scrapbook of the Unified Field of the Unconscious Mind. Or whatever it’s called. I wonder if my grandparents were disappointed that they couldn’t go to a little box in the basement and relive the hits of their youth. Although since the hits of their youth were all about how people needed to spare a dime and hated to get up in the morning maybe they didn’t. My mom’s youth was when Frank Sinatra was big. I’m sorry for her. I have never found Sinatra anything but really short and really grating. He’s dead, right? He won’t beat me up for saying this? Hope not.
–My neighbour kids keep gathering on the hill behind my house with plastic swords and lightsabres. But they never fence. They just stand around and talk while dragging their points in the grass. Why carry them all the way over here if they aren’t going to duel for my entertainment?
–Is it just me or do some of the costumes on Game Of Thrones make you think of Ronnie James Dio’s Holy Diver video?
— Yes, I’ve been listening to 80s music for the last 30 minutes. I kind of have to because the radio stations of my youth programmed to expect to hear Loverboy’s “Working For The Weekend” every Friday at 5. And we’re an hour behind my hometown’s time, so I had to kick it on at 4:00.
–I have a substance use problem. I HATE using this stupid arthritis medication. I feel like the Hermitage Vomit Monster. I’m taking it so I’ll feel better. Yet I don’t feel better. Unless “constant nausea” is better than “constant pain”. It’s the Kobayashi Maru of drugs.
–Campbell’s Soups are a bunch of poseurs. When you first go down the soup aisle you think there’s overwhelming variety. But closer inspection reveals that there are basically three flavours that get tricked out. Chicken & Noodle, Chicken & Double Noodle, Chicken & Stars and Chicken & Rice are the same thing. Stop phoning it in, because right now soup is mediocre food at best. You’re going to have to edit your jingle.
–heh. Edit your jingle sounds dirty.
–well, as much fun as this has been, I’m headed back to the Ginger Ale.