:: You have been warned. This is one of those posts written by a woman who’s got a few irritants bottled up. She’ll feel better when this post is written. You may NOT feel better after reading::
I really wasn’t going to write a Mother’s Day post because for the most part I’ve gotten over all the heartache associated with childlessness. But everyone gets awfully tired of looking on the bright side, I imagine. I know I’ve spent a long week of looking at the bright side of death, destruction and displacement (took me a few minutes to come up with third ‘d’ word…). Anyway, we had Mother’s Day again. And everyone is just wanting Mothers to know how terrific they are. I’ve read posts about how mothers are angels, doing the hardest job ever, the most wonderful people ever, etc.
Even though I’ve made my peace with not being able to have children, I will say that it hurts a little–like pressing on a purpled bruise.
NEVER ASK PEOPLE WHY THEY DON’T JUST ADOPT. I’ve been asked this thousands of times. Never mind that adoption is a unique calling, different from biological parenthood on several levels. Never mind that 98% of the people who ask this never themselves adopted anyone. Never mind that 100% of the people who ask this never do so while handing you a check to cover the !considerable! adoption fees. We didn’t adopt because we prayed about it and God told us no. There’s your answer. To a question you shouldn’t have asked.
Watch what you say to people who are struggling with something. Especially if you are under 33. Over the years I’ve noticed that white, middle-class American people who are younger than 35 haven’t necessarily lived enough of life to understand that there are hard questions, struggles and pain beyond the reach of credit cards and bromides. These people seem to think that telling people they aren’t praying enough, being positive enough, focusing enough good energy, working hard enough, eating right enough…etc…is a solution. It seldom is the entire solution, and once you’ve been around life’s block a time or two you catch on. You learn empathy. Until you learn empathy, be very careful about how many abraded souls you leave in the wake of your wiseass ‘advice’.