Random Things I Need To Get Off My Chest

1. Jonathan Safron Foer can kiss my meat-fed butt. But I will give him credit for ONE thing. He has been able to artfully combine TWO types of people that make me wish I could still pull a trigger with ease. You know that post I just wrote about demystifying The Book? Well, JSF is one of these authors who never did that. It seems that he has become one of these writers who thinks he is The Hot S–t for getting books published. Even though his books have the second-ugliest jacket design in the world. (Sorry, Michael Chabon. You take first place, buddy.) So not only is he all “Ah’m Uh WRYYYYTER” arrogant, he’s now bringing that special brand of arrogance to veganism.

See, I don’t mind if you want to be vegetarian. Or vegan. That’s cool. However you want to live your life, as long as it doesn’t harm me or mine, is your business. But when you start in with yelling at me for my choices you become as misguided, annoying and controversial as the people who stand outside abortion clinics with giant pictures of disgustingness. You are, in fact, the same people. So if you wanna eat ‘nothing that has a face’, go right ahead. But if you persist in telling me about it you may be able to eat yourself because I will most likely rip your face off.

2. There is no way on this planet–no matter how hot Viggo was in G.I. Jane–that I will see The Road. I’m not gonna read it either. I collect and love post-apocalyptic literature ::waves at The Stand:: but the key to good post-apocalyptica is that you not be a total downer. PA fiction is about rediscovering yourself in a new landscape. The self you rediscover is not supposed to need Prozac.

It is ridiculous that they are trying to sell this movie to Christians. That right there should tell you how much it sucks. Because ever since Gibson’s movie the church is the go-to crowd for movies that are less than great. I had to laugh when EW wrote an article about it a couple of weeks ago. The marketing ‘genius’ who came up with this idea said that this was a lock because of “[how many times] the Bible deals with the apocalypse.” Uh…three. And that’s counting the couple of verses in (if I recall correctly) Matthew. It’s not like all sixty-six books of the Protestant/Anabaptist Canon are rife with the End of the World.

It makes me want to find Jenkins and LaHaye and throw them in a pit with Safron Foer to be Arroganced to death.

3. When I was in the hospital this weekend, my nurse diverted a half-syringe of morphine. Both my husband and I watched her do it. She injected the first half and then said “I’m going to wait a while before giving you the rest of this. I think patients are more comfortable if they don’t get it all right away.” She then pocketed the syringe and left the room. She never gave me the second half, which I had to have in order to have the work done I’d gone there for. So four hours later–when I was still in grave pain–the doctor ordered a full second dose of morphine. She gave me all of it that time, because I think she realised I needed the full thing and she couldn’t get away with it. Sad to say, I’m not opiate-naive so I can’t get my pain squelched on a half-dose. I’m debating about whether or not I should report it to her superiors. It’s the holidays. And of all the things that go wrong in this world I don’t know if one nurse diverting half a syringe of morphine constitutes the end of the world.