At first glance it may not seem so. I’m not stunningly beautiful–although I’ve been known to turn a head or two in admiration. My breasts are large, even though they’re fighting a war with gravity. My hair is liberally gray and I refuse to colour it (in an odd nod to my Mennonite beliefs coupled with a lack of love for that icky brown hair dye stains that always show up even when you think you’re careful.)
But I’m of an age where I no longer have student loans, have some disposable income–knock wood–and I’m pretty connected. People listen to what I have to say. Sure it’s only about 300-500 a day, but I’ve got a blog people read and friends call me and email me.
SO WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF MONKEYS, DO YOU KEEP CANCELLING THE SHOWS I WATCH ON TV, YOU FRAKKING GOATBRAINED GO-ALONG-TO-GET-ALONG CAN’T SEE THE EMPEROR’S SCHLONG PIECES OF SCAT?!?!?!
No, it’s not like I’m pissed off about you cancelling Pushing Daisies or anything. It’s not like I’m a pathetic nerd who contents herself with rewatching Arrested Development, The Wire and From Earth To The Moon DVDs.
Oh, wait. That was my point. This is how I and my friends and others like me consume our entertainment now. Sure, we occasionally tune into something that’s good on TV. We also tune into things that aren’t bad. When our days have been long and we need to have some comfort noise we’ll plop down on the couch and watch your basic colourful-cops-catch-clever-criminals piece of lightwaves. We’ll bedoop all the commercials, too. So even if we are getting a glimpse of the Geico gekko or the Wal-Mart sphincter* it glances off without making an impact.
But give us something GOOD–something we want to think about and laugh with and watch and rewatch–and we will pay for it. We will even pay twice and thrice, as with the cases of some wonderful things like Arrested Development (Got it on DVD AND the iPod) and The Wire(Rented them all twice from Netflix and will buy them ASAP). I’ve asked for Season 1 of Pushing Daisies for Christmas and when I get it I’ll watch it again and again and again. In fact, I think I like the recent episodes of PD more than anything I’ve seen at the movies in the last six months. That includes the poor raped Indiana Jones. What does that mean to you? That means that I’d pay to see episodes of Pushing Daisies. I’d pay to see them in the same way I’d pay to rent a movie.
So maybe now is time to rethink your business model. You will never again have twenty million people tuned into an average program. There are too many other things for us to do, up to and including watching the archived versions of the shows you skid marks*** have cancelled. So get busy and work up some sort of distribution model that keeps the good shows coming. If I have to keep watching nothing but cops and psychics and fake cops and fake psychics taking an hour to solve a crime I solve in the first 8 minutes I may just forsake you altogether**
* I personally don’t see it. Then again I’ve not spent much time with my eyeballs in that particular area anyway.
**Hush, Jason. I know you threw out your TV, but I call shenanigans on you because as long as you’re still watching TV shows via the web or the Netflix you haven’t forsaken the realm of TV as far as I’m concerned. It’s like saying you don’t do heroin if you only snort it instead of shooting it up. The content is the key, not the mode of delivery.
*** I know, I know. But I’m really really really upset here. And my husband has been sick all weekend so I’m not able to be nice right now.