Cloverfield: I WILL Puke

My husband has made friends with this dude at work. Which is cool; I don’t want him to be the Frank Grimes of the office. Unfortunately, the Husband and said New Friend have decided we’ll all double-date tomorrow night.

At a showing of Cloverfield.

Ahahahahahaha!!!!

I have a long history of getting seriously ill while watching things filmed with handheld cameras. From what I’ve read, apparently this movie is making people sick in droves.

While I’d really like to be friends with Dude And Dude’s Wife I really don’t think “may I vomit in your lap?!?” makes the bestever first impression.

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Cursum Perficio

I’ve started listening to music as I fall asleep.  Last night the first song was Enya’s ‘Cursum Perficio’.

I remember sleeping against the comfort of that song years ago.  I was in college, on an old couch that smelled like incense, smoke and musty secondhand stores.   I remember the way the couch made imprints of woven patterns on my cheek and I remember sitting on that couch one afternoon crying as though I couldn’t stop.

I met my husband in October of 1989.   He was in his last semester of college and would be leaving in December.  When we met we had a couple of flirtations and then I went over to his apartment one night.   We spent the entire night sitting on the floor, backs against that couch, talking about everything we had in common.   All we did was talk, but it was the most intimate experience ever.   Because it was clearly one of those “this person is my soulmate” moments where you realise you’ve been lonely and looking for the other half of you and there that half is, inside this other person you theoretically just met.

My entire life changed that night.  Literally just.changed.   Because the future I had planned was this empty “I guess I’ll be a lawyer or something” series of diversions designed to keep me from being lonely since I didn’t have a family.   That sophomore year in college had already been very strange, because I had felt like God was closing the door on the lawyer thing.   The more I found out about Poli Sci the less I wanted to be involved in it.   Whenever God closes a door he opens a widow, I guess, because there was my til-death-do-us-part person.

The only catch was that we only had seven weeks to be together, then he was going back home to Pennsylvania and I was staying in Indiana.   We ended up spending nearly the entire seven weeks together, save sleeping, working and class.   His apartment became my haven, and he’d let me nap on the couch while he went to an afternoon shift in the lunch room.  I always listened to Enya.

That song title?  It’s Latin for “I have finished the course” or, in more poetic english, My Journey Ends Here.

God really weirded me out with that playlist last night.  The entire time ‘Cursum Perficio’ was on I thought about those seven weeks at college and how I felt then that I was meant to be with the guy but would never see him again.   Then the VERY NEXT SONG was the opening to Vivaldi’s “Gloria In D”.

I walked down the aisle to that song, followed by Pachelbel Canon in D.

I take that as God’s message that everything is under control and although we can never see the end, God knows what end is in store for us.

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Woot!

Today’s “technology for people who give only half-a-crap about technology” news is this:

1. If you have a Mac, you may finally be able to get your Netflix over the, you know, NET.

2. If you have a TiVo, Amazon Unbox for TiVo has Bourne Ultimatum available for download. It is NOT on sale this weekend, though. If you really want an Unbox movie on sale, you’re stuck with either Live Free or Die Hard (aka 2 hours of my life I’d rather have spent in the dentist office’s waiting room playing with a clown Jack in the box) or Mr. Woodcock (i.e. I wouldn’t see it if my leg was on fire and watching that movie was the only way to put it out.)

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I Have Decided:

You know that fleshy tail of a rat that looks sort of like a cross between a worm and a finger? And then the furry rump part it’s attached to?

I don’t give any of that for politics right now. It kind of worries me because I used to really care. I mean CARE care. Like I could name the most arcane official in the most mundane office in the teensy-tiniest corner of the Capitol Building.

But (or “however”) now, eeeh. So what. None of it motivates me. The only candidate in whom I have even a passing interest has the chance of an ice cube in a hot skillet. All of the rest of the candidates are like the old fashioned Weebils. They’re supposed to be different; they each have different coloured bottoms and different faces painted on, but essentially they’re indistinguishable from one another and wholly interchangeable.

I may get my groove back; hopefully before the election happens. But right now I am completely, wholly uninterested.
A broom is drearily sweeping
Up the broken pieces of yesterdays life
Somewhere a queen is weeping
Somewhere a king has no wife
And the wind, it cries mary

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What He Said

Terry Heaton does a better job than I could of articulating why I dislike Bill Maher. Except for the Muslim daughter story. I don’t have a Muslim daughter. But everything else is dead on.

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Trends From The Atlanta Gift Show

According to Gifts & Dec Double Take, we can expect to see the following trends hitting the Kohls, TJ MaXX and SteinMart near you this summer (after they don’t do so well at Hallmark and JCPenney this spring), and at Target this fall. [Click on the links for pictures of what they’re talking about….]

• Blue-Green “Shades of blue and green were spotted throughout the market. The soft hues were more tranquil than vibrant and could be seen together or alone. “
• Graphic Florals “Manufacturers and designers always turn to flowers to add life and color to a product. This time, we saw floral motifs take on a more graphic, even mod approach. The result is fun and funky.
• Aprons “The apron trend continues and branches out into whimsical, elegant and holiday niches; there are even designs targeted to the grandparent, the Southerner, or the inspirational shopper. And look out for the cute appeal of mini versions for mom-and-kid cooking.”
• Fun Packaging For Candles “Candles in containers don’t just offer a choice of glass sizes and shapes any more: now ceramics and metal accents are getting in on the act. These are containers consumers will keep long after the candle’s burned out.”
• Whimsy “The gift industry is never boring. Check out some of Atlanta’s cleverer, cuter, and crazier offerings.”
• Eye-Catching Attention Getters “With so many products to see at market, it takes something special to make you stop and take a closer look. Whether it’s a fresh approach to a common item such as a tiered pastry server comprised of individual pieces that can be used separately, containers that feature a new take on a design or something that just makes you giggle, these products were different enough to make them stand out from the crowd.”
• Eco-Friendly / Green “Environmental consciousness continues to be a strong theme across all categories in the market. Vendors are showing their “green” thumbs-up in many ways by following the “R” principles — reduce, recycle, reuse, renew — raising awareness and giving back. Good design is primary to product sell-through.”
• Peacocks “The peacock, that beautifully proud and colorful bird with the dramatic tail, is an emerging theme that complements the current blue/green color trend. Imagery appears on home decor, tabletop and fashion accessories in both stylized and representational designs.”
• Toile “The Country French look of elegant toile is being used both traditionally – an appearance that harkens back to its 18th century origins – and in updated versions using brighter colors.”
• Pink “The color pink, from the softest and most delicate of hues to the deepest rose, was represented in almost all categories and products – even some unusual ones like gardening tools.”

What I find most interesting about all of these trends is that they were all the “hot new thing” when I first started working in the gift industry 7 years ago.  (Except for “peacocks”.  Back then the hot decorative bird was the chicken-slash-rooster.)   So if the seven year cycle holds true, look for the following trends in the next 24 months:

Polkadots and stripes; patriotism; pink and chocolate; black and red; popsicles or lollipops; high-heeled shoes, pearls, lipstick and anything else “femme”; milk and/or butter; lace and tatting.

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Thanks, But No.

Husband and I got letters from the Mayor’s office the other day.   Said letters came complete with some form that looks like the stuff we had to fill out to register for the SATs or get a car loan.

Apparently since the Davidson County Election Commission fubar’d the voter registration logs (thanks, government!!!!) they are now hiring some “We Will Protect Your Database Real Good!  Promise!!! Cherry On Top!” company.   All we have to do is give them our information again.  They promise they won’t lose it.

Guess what I’m not going to do.

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Things That Have Just Occured To Me

It may be only Rock and Roll, but Mick Jagger should like it, seeing as though it’s made him a bajonkeraire.   I must say, though, that when we saw the gigantoramic preview of their upcoming movie on the IMAX screen, they looked a tad bit ridiculous.   They are freakin’ OLD, and when they are 80 feet tall, that is painfully obvious.   Also, the only thing I could think of while watching said preview was how skeevy it would have been to walk in on Jagger making the beast with one back with Bowie.   Seriously, it would have been like watching stickbugs mate.  Hence the “one back” thing.   I figure they’ve got about half a back each.   Gross.

A very nice woman I worked with at my old job insisted that there was never any use for the word “that”, and you should always use “which” instead.   I sometimes use “that” out of rebellion.  (See post title.)

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An Open Letter to Fred Phelps and Westboro Church

If you are in the mood to picket funerals, have I got one for you.

There’s this guy who died. He’s single, mid-30s. Some of his friends say he was married to this one chick for awhile, but others of us have never really seen any proof of it. Regardless, he spent most of his time hanging with other guys and was even caught kissing this one dude in his “group” once. In front of God and everybody he just totally planted one on the dude! Tell me that’s not totally gay!

Anyway, he not only was “best friends” with these men, he went practically everywhere with them. This one time they went on this vacation cruise together and he was in the cabin down below–if you know what I mean. He told the other guys on the cruise to not bug him because he was “sleeping”, but who knows what he was really doing. I mean, for real, this was a boat with a bunch of guys, you know? Totally totally gay.

Except for all these hookers he hung out with. But I’m sure they were just his hags or something.

Anyway, after you’re done picketing Heath Ledger’s funeral (since he was in Brokeback Mountain) you could go here and totally picket this dude’s funeral too. After all, if God Hates Fags, I totally bet he hates this guy.

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Why Sun Trust Bank Might Be CrapWeasels

I say “might be” because they are in the process of “seeing what they can do”. If they “can do” fix it, then I won’t be so mad.

A couple of days ago I got a call from a collection agency’s machine, telling me to call Mr. Raymund. So I called the number for “Mr. Raymund” and got put on hold. Come to find out, the collection agency is trying to collect $54.00 that I owe on a Sun Trust bank account.

The only problem is that I’ve never in my life had a SunTrust bank account. Ever.

Three days of investigation later, I discover that when I left my Really Awful Job at NBC Bank, they were supposed to close out my free employee account. But they never did.

When SunTrust acquired NBC Bank some years ago, they apparently switched that account–which was supposed to be closed–over to SunTrust, and over to a fee-bearing account. When I had racked up $54 in fees–on an account that hadn’t been TOUCHED IN SEVEN YEARS–they turned me over to a collection agency.

Their argument is that they sent statements here every month. My argument is that I don’t open mail which comes to me from banks where I don’t have an account. Nine point nine times out of ten, those letters are asking me to refinance my mortgage, check out their low low rates on car loans, etc. Apparently, though, they decided I’m supposed to open these letters from them and since I didn’t I am responsible for $54 in fees.

Update:

The fees have been removed, the file is being pulled back from the various reporting agencies and I’ll be able to write checks again without being flagged.   Good thing I haven’t had to write a check recently.  That would have been ugly.

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