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A List For Modern Worship Leaders

December 28, 2007 by Katherine Coble

We are not at church to worship YOU.
No one cares how “transported” you are by the music.
This is not a show starring you.
No matter how musically talented you are, you are not the last word on theology and matters of faith
You look like an idiot when you wear sandals to church. Yes, Jesus wore sandals. Jesus also lived in Israel 2000 years ago and didn’t have indoor plumbing. I bet you showered and flushed the potty before coming to church. Try adding “put on big boy shoes” to your getting-ready-for-church repratoire.
Songs with 9 words do NOT get more profound if you repeat them over and over again.
There is more to God than how “awesome” he makes YOU feel. Try finding a song or three that magnifies God’s characteristics apart from the warm fuzzies YOU get from ~~worshipping him~~ singing in front of an audience.
If a song could also be sung to your cat, then perhaps you could aim for something with a bit more substance. For instance: “The sun shines in your eyes/you make my day complete/I could love you all day long/ your love is so sweet.”
Do not talk during the song. You sound like an egomaniacal moron when you interrupt the congregational singing with your chestnuts of wisdom. For instance: Siiilent Niiight Lord, we’re glad to praise you on this silent night Ho-o-o-leeee Niiight “God you are so awesomely holy!!!”

Posted in Monkey Wash Donkey Rinse | 40 Comments

40 Responses

on December 28, 2007 at 12:49 am | Reply Christy N

[snicker]
on December 28, 2007 at 12:51 am | Reply Elizabeth

thank you for saying this — it definitely needed to be vocalized.
on December 28, 2007 at 12:53 am | Reply gavin

haha! this is awesome kat! love it.. though, i am one that wears the flip flops to church and i have when leading worship (done enough times, but not enough to be good at it) gone barefoot. since you know me enough, that isn’t a cool thing, i do have a idea behind that. &:~)

a word i heard once for what you are speaking to: “worshiptainment”
on December 28, 2007 at 1:14 am | Reply holly

Love it so very much. More than I can possibly express and more than you care to know.
on December 28, 2007 at 6:08 am | Reply Ginger

LMAO!!!! I’ll bet I know what church you visited this past week. 😉

One of the most spot-on posts I’ve read in months.
on December 28, 2007 at 8:48 am | Reply Slartibartfast

This brings back such warm, fuzzy memories for me.

Worship leading is kind of like parenting. Everybody’s an expert.
on December 28, 2007 at 8:52 am | Reply bridgett

This made me giggle.
on December 28, 2007 at 9:07 am | Reply Sarcastro

This reminds me of the South Park episode “Christian Rock Hard”.

[Cartman’s house. He, Token and Butters begin to practice]

Cartman: All right, guys, this is gonna be so easy. All we have to do to make Christian songs is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them. [some sheet music is shown. Cartman has already crossed out the original author’s name] See? All we have to do is cross out words like “baby” and “Darling” and replace them with [writes next to “baby”] Jesus. All right, Butters, give me a beat. [Butters doesn’t understand, but starts drumming. It’s rather good] Okay, nice. Very nice. All right, Token, give me a smooth bass line.

Token: I don’t know how to play bass. [Butters stops]

Cartman: [Sighs, has his left fist on his forehead, eyes shut] Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You’re black. You can play bass.

Token: I’m gettin’ sick of your stereotypes!

Cartman: Be as sick as you want, just give me a God-damned bass line! [Token begins to play a bass line, then is surprised that he can actually do it, then realizes that Cartman is right]

Token: God-damnit! [Butters joins in and their sounds flow together]

Cartman: All right. Nice, fellas. Nice. [begins to sing]
I need you in my life, Jesus.
I can’t live without you, Jesus
And I just want to feel you deep inside me, Jesus.

Butters: Well done!
on December 28, 2007 at 11:56 am | Reply Fresh Girl

You must have been at my church since the new pastor pushed out our fantastic minister of music who’d been there 30+ years in favor of a flashy younger model with lots of bright white teeth and very little substance.
on December 28, 2007 at 1:05 pm | Reply RevJay

Well done!!!
on December 28, 2007 at 1:25 pm | Reply Katherine Coble

Worship leading is kind of like parenting. Everybody’s an expert.

Except:

Everybody is. We ALL worship. Worship means “the reverent love and devotion accorded to a diety or sacred object.” For Christians, we all worship.

There are 10 main styles of worship, according to the notes I took on a pastor’s sermon about 5 years ago. Not everyone worships like I do, and I’m fine with that.

However, the problem with many modern song leaders is that we call them “worship leaders” and give them the idea that their one style of worship is the LEADING style of worship. So they stop facilitating congregational group worship and start having concerts.

If you are a worship leader in a congregation, everybody IS an expert. We all worship.
on December 28, 2007 at 1:55 pm | Reply 9 Rules For Modern Worship Leaders at Trying to follow

[…] 9 Rules For Modern Worship Leaders [via] […]
on December 28, 2007 at 2:06 pm | Reply Christian

One of the ugliest things I see around here are these $30,000 billboards prominently featuring the pastor and his wife of some megachurch. Gaaaaaaahhhhhh. I guess Jesus is just too humble an image to appeal to a cult of personality.
on December 28, 2007 at 3:42 pm | Reply Slartibartfast

Sorry, Kat. The wounds are still too fresh, the pain too deep. I’m afraid I probably shouldn’t be discussing this right now.
on December 28, 2007 at 5:16 pm | Reply Jay

“God, fk yeah!”
on December 28, 2007 at 8:28 pm | Reply Mike

Godslap and good post
on December 28, 2007 at 10:17 pm | Reply Busy Mom

Love that, and, I’m Catholic (most points don’t apply).
on December 28, 2007 at 10:42 pm | Reply Lydia

8. I refer to these as “Jesus is my boyfriend” songs.
on December 29, 2007 at 12:18 am | Reply Anna

#6… I wish I could say this to some of the worship leaders at my school. 🙂
on December 29, 2007 at 1:01 am | Reply Elena

Lydia: Hahahahahah! That’s awesome!! *giggles*

Kat, please tell me this wasn’t FBCNash. Please tell me it wasn’t.
on December 29, 2007 at 10:39 pm | Reply Roger Abramson

May I add another?

People should not be reading song lyrics off of a wall projection. There are things called hymnals. Use them.

What? You say these sorts of songs don’t appear in hymnals? Well then, consider that a major hint.
- on March 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm | Reply saturated in the word
  
  Do you think Jesus sang from the hymnal? If we honestly want to worship as Jesus did we would use nothing but pure psalms. OR we can let modern day hymn writers write new songs to the Lord… As david (in psalm) tell us to! Believe it or not when people like John Wesley and Martin Luther wrote these hymns to bar melodies so that the congregation would know the tune it was considered… contemporary.
  
  I pray we all stay focused on a King who is worthy of our praise, and remember your worship leader IS unworthy of singing these songs in the presence of God…. but then ago am I and so are you.
  
  Thank God for Grace.
on December 30, 2007 at 9:05 pm | Reply Rachel

“I refer to these as “Jesus is my boyfriend” songs.” – Indeed. Also, agreeing with Roger – PowerPoint in church upsets me.
on December 31, 2007 at 8:52 am | Reply nm

It’s not just Christian congregations that experience most of the problems on this list. I swear it’s because it’s Nashville and so many people came here to be stars.
on December 31, 2007 at 11:19 am | Reply Roger Abramson

Taking my cue from Sarcastro:

Cartman: You know, Jesus? I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and, well, that’s why I wrote this song. I love you, Jesus. I want you to walk with me. I’ll take good care of you baby. Call you my baby, baby! You died for my sins, and you know that I would die for you, right? What’s the matter, baby? You tremble at Jesus, baby! Your love… is my life! You know when I’m without you, there’s a black hole in my life! Oo-ohhh! I wanna believe. It’s all right, ’cause I get lonely in the night and it’s up to you to Save me! Jee…sus…bay-by!

And…

Executive: We just have one question, though. We were looking over some of your lyrics. (reads lyrics) I want to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus on a private beach for two. I want him to nibble on my ear and say “I’m here for you”. It seems you really love Christ.
Cartman: Yes, we sure do.
Executive: No, but it appears you are actually in love with Christ.
Cartman: Well what are you saying? That, that you don’t really love Christ?
Executive: Well of course I do. I mean I just –
Cartman: Well what’s the difference? You love Christ, you’re in love with Christ, I mean, uh, what the heck is this?
on December 31, 2007 at 3:42 pm | Reply nm

If Jesus is your boyfriend, is your Easter hymn “My Boyfriend’s Back”?
on December 31, 2007 at 4:10 pm | Reply Malia

I’m actually going to defend the powerpoint!

Honestly, I prefer seeing people engaged in worship instead of with their noses stuck in a hymnal. They know these songs by heart because they’ve been singing them since the cradle and yet they still “need” the hymnal to sing the songs. I know not everyone does that but when I’m at churches who still use only hymnals, that’s what I see out of the majority of the congregation.

IMO, FWIW
on January 1, 2008 at 3:43 pm | Reply Sarcastro

Cartman (singing): I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!
on January 2, 2008 at 10:11 am | Reply Roger Abramson

Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot…
on January 2, 2008 at 1:32 pm | Reply sistasmiff

The word “awesome” is sucky word. Hate it.

Ask Mr. Smiff what he thinks of contemporary worship. Hee haw. He has a hilarious imitation of praise type songs.

My brother in law has just taken a music leader job at a Baptist church. I think he’s going to find it’s a lot harder than it looks and more stressful than it appears.

I like contemporary worship as well as traditional. I’m trying to break our choir of the need to keep their heads stuck in a book when we sing something peppy.

I don’t think Jesus cares so much about what we wear to church as to the condition of our heart, myself. We don’t dress up for church anymore. When I did wear a skirt recently, I had forgotten what it felt like to wear hose.
on January 9, 2008 at 9:00 pm | Reply Shep

I stumbled upon this through google, I recently posted something similar in my frustration to a worship minister that said, “now, let’s stand and worship God.” As if we weren’t worshiping God by listening intently to the sermon.

It wouldn’t be an issue if worship ministers didn’t say it all the time.

I do like wearing sandals to church though :-p 😀
on April 25, 2008 at 8:12 am | Reply Jack

This is one of the saddest things I’ve read in years. Who cares what your music minister does. Worry about yourself and stop bashing people.
on March 22, 2009 at 12:52 pm | Reply andy

it’s too bad you’ve had some bad experiences with some worship leaders. i’m just now helping start a school of worship where most if not all of these points will be eliminated.

i agree with the last post, though. i am a worship leader myself, and it deeply grieves me to hear that a person would much rather pay attention to the worship leader instead of worshipping the God that she should serve, and at that, post a martin luther miniature of the 95 theses. shame on you.

although i do agree in some regards (of which most regards are purely basic and obvious. no one in there right mind (pure mind) would stand up and consider themselves the last word in theology). ma’am, you are not the last word, either. shame on you again. you are obviously not a worship leader or anywhere near a servant. from your post, you seem more of like a bitter and angry person who cannot serve her Lord with a pure heart and a gracious mind.

lastly, what kind of example are you leading by this blog? is it one that will bring ones to Christ? OR SCARE THOSE WHO NEED HIM AWAY BECAUSE OF YOUR ATTITUDE?

shape up, soldier. read the Word and discover LOVE for those that serve even when it may seem they are not. serve God yourself!

by the way, i lead worship for thousands of people (young and old) each week wearing flip flops. get to know your worship leader or learn how to lead worship yourself.
- on June 5, 2009 at 1:42 am | Reply deborah
  
  I am hoping to connect with Andy that wrote the post about the school of worship. Has this already been formed??? I am a worship leader myself. I am on a leave right now after 2 yrs. of leading. I never knew sheep could have such teeth! The wounds of my own congration have been very painful. If I am doing anything that could be improved on to help draw people closer in unity of worship I desire to grow. God is so amazing and corporate worship can be so incredible. If you get this Andy, is there information on your school you can post and or let me know about??? Thanks so much in advance!!!!
  - on June 5, 2009 at 10:19 am | Reply andy
    
    hey deborah,
    
    i’m sorry that your church body hurt you, although i do not understand or know the circumstances. maybe it is what the Lord wants. the school of worship hasn’t started yet, but i do encourage you to consider it this coming semester. it is a wonderful program that actually branches off of our “school of ministry,” which has been established for quite some time. in short, we are well equipped to facilitate learning, growth, and ministry opportunity. here is the link.
    
    http://www.calvaryabq.org/sow/
    
    again, pray about it. consider it. if this school doesn’t ring a bell for you, there are several others. just “google” school of worship. you’ll find ’em. God bless you, sister. let’s become lead worshippers for the glory of Christ ALONE!
    
    andy
on June 11, 2009 at 3:05 am | Reply deborah

Thanks Andy!
on June 24, 2010 at 2:06 pm | Reply David

This is pretty funny in it’s presentation. It’s got a Saturday Night Live sort of approach the way it mocks the worship leaders. Clever stuff. I’m not sure I can find a place in the Bible though where believers deal with other believers in this way.

Jesus did condemn religious leaders, but only to their face. He did it when they were in front of him. The world certainly approves of this cynical and condemning approach, that’s an easy one. We see it on TV and movies all the time, but Matthew 18 tells us that if we have a problem with Christians, we are to talk to them in person, one on one, not embarrass them in front of others.

So what if we’re not able to meet them one on one? How do we correct them then? Well, we can consider that if God wanted us educate and correct them, God would have given us an audience with them.
on June 24, 2010 at 2:46 pm | Reply Coble

Well, David, believe it or not I HAVE discussed this face to face with every worship leader I’ve had a problem with.

Every.single.one.

It’s not that hard to get God to grant an audience with someone who craves an audience anyway.

I now find the easier way to deal with the Worship Leader problem is to just stay away from church altogether. Barna can add that option in their next head-scratching “why is the church losing members?” survey.

Short answer: Because many many churches are no longer about worshiping God. They are about being an audience for a set of performers. Those of us who wish to worship are finding other avenues. Home Bible Studies, small groups, prayer circles.

But paying a church tax to underwrite performance? Not in the Gospel either.

As a matter of fact, I challenge any worship leader or minister to find me a place in the New Testament where ministry was a paid position and those in such a position held no other job.

You won’t find it.

I, and many others like me I’m sure, are convinced that a large part of what is ruining the Institution of modern church is the issue of professional clergy. When your minister’s ministry is also his only job he becomes concerned not just with spreading the Word but also doing so in such a way as to bring in money.

It is, to put a fine point on it, serving God and Mammon. Something Jesus said no man could do successfully.
on April 13, 2011 at 4:48 pm | Reply John

Honestly, this entire post sounds like someone has just had a ton of bad experience.

My only piece is that, so long as the leader is focused on the Gospel, whether he is making money or not shouldn’t be an issue.

2000 years ago, people did make a living as ministers. They were called Levites, and their only job was to be a priest. Also, tithes were given to the early church to help the needy, if the focus of the ministers of the church is to bring as many people to Christ as is possible, then they have to be entirely focused on the matter. I am currently a ministry student myself and acting as a Youth Pastor and I can say from this experience that those of you who think it is easy to do ministry and another job obviously have never been involved in ministry on a large scale, maybe only in small ministry events put on by the church. you then look at it ans say “Wow, that must have been cake to put on. I mean I even helped tear down and it was a breeze.” Why don’t you, next time, volunteer to see and event through from start to finish on your own as the head of it, see how much time it takes from your friends, family, and other responsibilities.

As for ministers who put on a show, just so you know, it may not attract you, but it can attract a variety of other people. LOST people. They didn’t have church buildings 200 years ago in Israel, any personal worship they did was in homes or in fields. We build church buildings as a way of outreach. Because if you don’t have a building, then all the doctors, the workers for discount tire, the business owners, the grocers, they would have a tough time reaching out to other people in their community. They don’t take the time, more often than not, to learn how to witness and for a majority of people, it still intimidates them. The building is a place to bring the lost to teach them in an environment full of help about the Gospel. The church wasn’t build for the old people who think the hymnal is the only way. I love hymns, but let’s face it, hymns don’t reach the lost. The songs about how God affects your life, those songs do. And that is not to say that songs acknowledging God’s character are inappropriate either, they simply cannot be the only thing we sing about if we want to attract the lost. We can give them all kinds of information about who God is. And Buddhists can tell them who Buddha was and Muslims can tell them who Allah was. The thing that the lost are concerned about most is what will it change in their lives. This is Ministry 101 here. It’s the love of God shown, not the Love of God talked about that brings people to a saving knowledge of the Lord.

Do I think that most people have it right? Heck no. Do I think that all worship leaders do things right. By no means. But being a worship leader myself and a Minister of the Gospel who’s goal is to serve and do nothing else BUT serve, I have to say, that if I am to do that, then I need to be able to feed a family and survive myself. It’s hard to bring in the lost when I am having to focus even just on school. I’ve tried the two jobs thing, and most of our staff here IS Bi-vocational, but we are moving toward full time for the specific reason of more time equals more service.

Tread carefully when you call out a specific part of the body of the church. God is DEFINITELY using them to further His kingdom. Whether you like it or not doesn’t make it right or wrong. The blood of Christ is what makes it right or wrong, and as long as that is the focus, as long as the word of the resurrection is being spread, you should be more of a God fearing people, God isn’t a huge fan of being told He is doing it wrong. He also isn’t a fan of disunity and slander. Again, I ask you out of love, tread carefully brothers. Let’s not argue about the color of the carpet.
on June 17, 2011 at 10:42 am | Reply Church Clip Show « Just Another Pretty Farce

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