I wrote this post a couple of days ago and had decided not to publish it. But after a comment to another blogger where Kevin called a man evil for denying Kevin help, I decided I needed to clear a few things up on my end.
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I’ve been pretty baldly critical of Kevin Barbieux over at MCB recently, and subsequently have received all sorts of Bible verse comments about Christianity. Slartibartfast wrote a post to which I typed this comment. His post was about whether or not Jesus would be an enabler. Then I realised this comment probably should be a blog post of its own. So here you go.
I’m probably the most vocal detractor (although you should see my inbox behind the scenes) in the discussion of helping someone who is gaming the system.
I’m also probably one of the more vocal Christians. I realise people don’t understand that. So, please, allow me to explain my position. And feel free to disagree with it.
The resources for those in need are finite. We have to repeatedly make a choice as to whom we help, even if the choice is “do I keep this money/food/clothing for myself?” Charity is always a choice accompanied by action. When you choose to help one person, another will not receive that help.
Ever since Kevin came onto my radar nearly 5 years ago (I’ve followed him long before I started to blog) I’ve researched him. I’ve read his blog, I’ve talked with people who once believed in him and now feel duped. I’ve worked with many charities (but I won’t talk about which ones and in which capacity because then it stops being charity and starts being Look!At!Me!) and it troubled me, initially, that there was a homeless man in need in my own hometown.
Five years have gone by since he first came to my attention. In that time I’ve gotten promotions, different jobs and had an ongoing major health crisis. I’ve seen my husband be jobless for 8 months. I’ve watched other bloggers suffer death, job loss and hardship–and that’s nothing compared to the people I know in the real world who face the same things.
Kevin has chosen homelessness. He’s chosen a “victim” state for many reasons. (Chief among them, I believe, is that if he gets a home and a job then the government will collect on the many years of unpaid child support he owes his exwife.)
If Kevin’s homelessness were only his problem then I wouldn’t mind so much. But he abandoned a wife and two children in order to embrace life on the streets. There’s a struggling woman and two kids who are seldom mentioned in the equation, and often forgotten.
When Kevin talks about being homeless it strikes a chord in people because The Homeless are a vulnerable spot for everyone. We all fear homelessness. For most of us our largest bill is our mortgage. Most of us feel about 2 pay checks from homelessness ourselves. Fear of homelessness is as instinctive as fear of sharks and snakes.
Barbieux knows that, and has used that fear to manipulate people–many of whom feel a donation or kindness to him is a sort of karmic talisman against homelessness or joblessness in their own lives. The thing is, whenever you help someone who is gaming you–whether it’s a homeless man you’ve met on the Internet, a jobless man you’ve met on the Internet who brags about bilking $45,000 out of strangers, or a close relative with a drug and alcohol problem–you are helping people with resources that are better used to help other people.
It always, with Christians, comes back around to Jesus. What would He do? Well, I do know that whenever he helped people he did say “go and sin no more.” I also know that He said “you will always have the poor with you” NOT as an instruction to help the poor but as an instruction to His disciples to focus their worship on him. The disciples were objecting that a woman was wasting money on Jesus. Jesus’ response was that he wasn’t going to be around as long as the poor so worship of Him was more important.
Jesus knew the poor would always be with us. I firmly believe that “unto the least of these” and “love thy neighbour” and “do unto others” are clear instructions for us to act charitably in all aspects of our lives. His most famous instance of anger, though, was when people manipulated the religious sensibilities and sacred obligations of the faithful in order to make money. That was why Jesus overturned the money-changers’ tables in the temple. They were profaning the sacred with their greed. The money-changers in the temple were preying upon the rules of faith which govern some people’s lives, and doing so for their own needs.
It’s a common belief that charity is ONLY financially helping those who are less fortunate. There are other aspects to charity. It is my belief that exposing charlatans who prey on the good nature of other people is a form of charity.
Just Another Pretty Farce 
I had no idea about this entire story. My instincts told me there was more than I knew. Now that I know the rest of the story, I see this as a choice. Perhaps made for poor reasons, but a choice none the less.
I have always believed the only permanent help you can give another person is to teach them how to be self reliant. To teach them to fish for themselves. Any thing short of that is temporary.
I didn’t know the whole story, either. I did, however, find this a bit disturbing: “When I am homeless, I am able to be to be more sociable than when I have a job and my own place. When I have a job and a place of my own, I have a lot less time to meet people.”
I mean, don’t we all have less time to socialize because we have jobs and bills to pay? So basically he’s choosing to be homeless so he can just hang out?
You’re absolutely right.
I could throw around descriptors like deadbeat, but what’s the point?
Well said. I haven’t added anything to the comments over at MCB and other places because at this point more negativity serves no purpose. Facts do.
I too have followed his story since the very early days and I’ve seen a lot of people bend over backwards and at great personal sacrifice to help him only to be discarded when they no longer served his purpose.
There is a distinct pattern for absolving himself from anything that requires responsibility (job, home, family) and yet always asking to be given more from society. Much homelessness is not just about money or opportunity but more personal reasons and choices. That is why throwing money at this issue will never really solve it.
Kevin actually serves as a more unique and different example for Homelessness in Nashville than he means to be. For over 10 years he has survived in this city. He eats on a regular basis, he has several choices of places to sleep and find shelter, he has discovered a community of people that want to help him and regularly support him financially and emotionally and he has found a voice and resources well beyond a lot of other citizens in Nashville. Apparently Las Vegas was not this supportive.
I grew up with people who did not live this well.
If I may respond, briefly. And in hopes that you do not make any changes to this post.
First, I didn’t call anyone evil for denying me help, but I did, I believe, call people evil who are indifferent to the plight of the homeless.
Everytime that I have had a real job, I have insisted that the employer take out the full amount of child support out of my paychecks, even if was more than the allotted 50% of my pay. For all the payments I’ve made to child support, that is, every time I was able to maintain a real job, my exwife still prevented me from having my visitation with my children. That even includes the 2 years I worked at Mosko’s while living in a halfway house for the homeless.
Actually Las Vegas has a wonderful shelter for the homeless that has a program which really helps the homeless become self sufficient. I returned from there because the closest thing I have to family and friends is in Tennessee.
I have problems with mental illness – depression and anxiety – that I have talked about at length on my blog, and elsewhere. Only that I’ve been able to work through those problems to the extent I have, has allowed me to survive life as long as I have. Mostly because I have not been able to overcome homelessness, I still ocassionally consider suicide. But each time I get to that point, I consider my children, and for their sake I don’t do it.
If you have doubts about my condition which prevents me from maintaining a more “normal” life, you may contact Will Connelly, mental health outreach worker for Park Center. And he can tell you of my latest psychiatric evaluation.
Yes, I know that people fear the homeless, but if you read enough of my blog, and the comments I leave on other web sites, you will know that I tell people that their fears are an unrealistic response to homelessness, and that they actually have just as much to fear from people with homes. And I tell them that if they educate themselves to the realities of homelessness, that they would find that they really didn’t have to fear the homeless.
Though there is more I could reply to this post, I won’t. This is supposed to be a time of good thoughts, good will toward men, and all that jazz.
My kudos, Ms. Coble. I, too, have refrained several times from commenting. Now that you have put this out there, though, I wanted to lend a voice of support and let you know that I have agreed many times with what you have said on this matter, I just haven’t said anything. I imagine I’m not the only one.
And, shoot, while I’m here. Let me promote “Housing First” a program proven to save cities money while helping end homelessness. It is a program that teaches homeless people “how to fish” as it were. There are many websites dedicated to this model. Just google it, “Housing First.”
To see Kevin writ large, go to Nola.com and witness what the folks there who have been given in the form of shelter, are now doing when those who want to replace their “homes” with more up-to-date ones are doing.
Give a man a fish, indeed. I hate to be so sarcastic, but my first job out of college (one of three concurrent ones) happened to be getting people who lived in NOLA on SSI/disability.
Do you have any idea, Kevin or others, what it’s like to read in court documents that a woman aged 36 who has 15 children tells a judge who asks her, “why have you never held a job” replies to him, in court, “because I’m on the welfare?”
Maybe you don’t, but I can assure you that the math for these people adds up – 15 kids times roughly 3 or 4 hundred a month, and they live more or less free of rent, even if it is in a nominal warzone.
Disgust is not a strong enough word to describe it.
They don’t want out, they want handouts. That it’s all they know, how to work the system, makes it even that more… I don’t know the word – bathetic? Certainly not pathetic. That implies they care to get out, which they certainly don’t. They want others to care for them and their needs. Leeches do better in their short lives.
There is so much to think about here. I may be more torn on this than any other issue I’ve ever encountered.
As a parent, I know all too well that allowing someone to take advantage many times does more harm than good. Yet, when I encounter a person in need, I believe that the encounter is a test for ME, by God. Is the concern over whether a person deserves help a worldly one? But then again, nobody wants to be a sucker. But then again, we’re supposed to count it as all joy when others mock us for being suckers.
See what I mean?
I do not address Kevin directly about this (except in joking fashion) because he is a master of rhetoric, and, being familiar with such things myself, I see his game. He simultaneously uses his homelessness as a shield and a sword. A shield to deflect any criticism, a sword to bludgeon opponents into silence.
I have no use for such tactics. I have no respect for a man who won’t fight fair.
But my distaste for Kevin’s debate tactics are my thing; others might be fine with it.
Thank you for bringing many of the mitigating factors to light. I still have much to think about.
Katherine, please excuse me my stance here. I don’t wish to make you associated with my comments and I understand that may happen, so delete at your whim.
What I do want to express, in the spirit of what you have written in this post, is that there certainly are those who will game the system and I agree that they are not worthy of Christian, or any other, goodwill after a few tries.
Fool me once and all of that.
Our subject of discussion here has passed that threshold, in my reckoning, and is no longer worthy. Thus, I concur with your conclusions as they match up entirely with my experiences.
You want out, find a way to get out. If you don’t, find a way to manipulate your way into what you want. That’s the game Kevin is playing and it is absolutely abhorrent precisely because it’s so successful in accomplishing the goal.
They don’t want out, they want handouts. That it’s all they know, how to work the system, makes it even that more… I don’t know the word – bathetic?
I just have to say, that for every person that is like that, is someone else who works hard and wants out but doesn’t always know the best way to go about it. Don’t hate all poor people, please.
Don’t hate all poor people, please.
I assume you know that I don’t even hate Kevin, let alone “all poor people”.
In fact, I think it advances the cause of helping “the poor” if we are honest about the best ways to help everyone.
I know that there’s the tendency to say “I give to anyone in need; how they use that money is between them and God.” While that may be a popular stance to take when talking about someone “less fortunate” like a homeless man, would you apply the same logic to a TV preacher building an amusement park?
The fact of the matter is that part of stewardship is making discerning choices about how to best use our time and talents. Pointing out those who game the system–whether they’re homeless men or tv preachers or shady charities–is the way we can all make sure that those whose goals are most compatible with our own receive the charity.
You all slam my character, a subjective matter to judge others, yet you disregard what I actually say, and have said since the beginning. You say that giving a man a fish only enables him, and that the only good can come from teaching a man how to fish for himself. But yet none of you are actually teaching anyone to fish. I know, you don’t want to really get your hands dirty. Of course you only need to throw around some vague innuendos to gain support from like minded people.
As I’ve said before, the power to end homelessness is in your hands, actually, I requires your involvement. If homelessness exists, it’s because there is not enough involvement from the homed.
Just don’t discard the message cause you don’t like the messenger. You have problems with me, I really don’t care. Just don’t complain about the problems you are unwilling to do anything about.
And, No, doing nothing is not the cure to homelessness.
Oh, and one little thing is aching at my heart and I need to respond to. Kat said: (Chief among them, I believe, is that if he gets a home and a job then the government will collect on the many years of unpaid child support he owes his exwife.)
Among all the innuendos kat throws out here, without support of fact, this one gets to me the most. She implies that I am homeless so to avoid child support. Well, as I said above, I pay when I can. Besides that, I first became homeless in 1982 – I didn’t meet my future exwife until 1987. I was already into my 3rd episode of homelessness when I met her. My pattern of homelessness was already established before I ever had kids. I am not homeless so I don’t have to pay support. The truth is, I am unable to pay support because I am homeless.
Outside of that, my wife at the time was having affairs, so until we get some DNA testing done we won’t know for certain if they are even my kids. None-the-less, I didn’t learn of her indiscresions until after our divorce. And I am as attached emotionally to these children as if they were my own.
Kat, you really don’t know my story, my life. And certainly no one you may have talked to in the homeless industry would know any thing about the intimate issues of my life that make up who I am. Although, I would certainly like to know who you’ve been talking to about me, behind my back.
Don’t hate all poor people, please.
I assume you know that I don’t even hate Kevin, let alone “all poor people”.
In fact, I think it advances the cause of helping “the poor” if we are honest about the best ways to help everyone.
I thought I responded to this last night, but I think I shut down my computer before I actually hit submit. Dumbass = me.
Anyway, I’m not even getting into the middle of this whole Kevin thing, or the homelessness thing, either.
I was saying that because there are a whole lot of people in the world (not saying you, Kat, just people in general) who know or have met some scamming poor people or people who won’t help themselves and go on to assume that all or most poor people are like that. I say those people are the minority. Most poor people are people who are trying their damnndest to get ahead but don’t either through bad luck or being uneducated about things.
That’s all.
And I really meant to type “don’t hate ON the poor” not “don’t hate”.
But yet none of you are actually teaching anyone to fish. I know, you don’t want to really get your hands dirty.
How do you know?
Shit, one more thing:
But yet none of you are actually teaching anyone to fish.
Actually, that’s exactly what we’re trying to do at Home-Ec 101. By teaching people to do things themselves and giving tips on frugality, that’s our way of teaching people to fish.
But yet none of you are actually teaching anyone to fish. I know, you don’t want to really get your hands dirty.
You are uninformed. While you ask people to walk in your shoes, you refuse to try to do the same.
Your approach is based on ignorance and guilt. You are ignorant of what others have actually done. Your only tool is guilt. Which is why you are so easy to ignore. Those who have helped don’t have the guilt you need to manipulate them.
Enabling the homeless and recruiting them to where you live is foolish. Reducing the number of homeless is the goal. To do that, there is only one effective method. You teach self reliance. You teach them to fish.
You will remain homeless until you chose to try. Your are a prisoner in a jail of your own design which has no doors or locks. The door is open, but you refuse to walk through it.
I do want to make a point that Homelessness and Poverty are not the same thing. There are a lot of people struggling with poverty(or lack of funds) that have a place to live. There are people who live on the street but recieve financial assistance each month. Homelessness does not necessarily equal being poor.
Many people living homeless are doing so by their life choice, some are living that way because they are caught between a decentralized mental health system and families that can’t cope with their illness and some have reached a point in their lives with no other resources or options.
There are people that reach the point that a life outside of mainstream society on the streets is more familiar and comfortable than the unfamiliar rules and challenges of living in a house and living a so called “normal” life. No matter how dysfuntional the situation that they are in, at least they feel they know the patterns and rules for that lifestyle (the same can be said about life patterns of physical abuse as well). But chronic homelessness (and a pattern of homelessness) comes down to a personal choice. No amount of money can change that, opportunity is free, but a person has to choose to make the most of that opportunity.
Some of the poorest, most poverty stricken people that I have ever known were also some of the proudest. All understood the value of opportunity and would also usually be the last to ask for a handout no matter how badly they needed it.
But chronic homelessness (and a pattern of homelessness) comes down to a personal choice. No amount of money can change that, opportunity is free, but a person has to choose to make the most of that opportunity.
That just said it all.
[…] drip,drip. And then, one of the downtrodden himself gives reason after reason for not even trying, and his reasons sound vaguely familiar, almost as if they were spoon-fed to him over the course of […]
I could never understand people living in the street in the United States of America. I do not understand them because I am a migrant that enter this country with 25 cents in my pocket, without knowing the language and without knowing anyone.
I Worked hard for 43 years and retire as viseppresidente of an international company in this country that offered my the opportunity to be who I am, to form a family and to give full education to two children.
For sure, this homeless people don know other countries.
Also I do not see foreing people looking for money on the street.