My general antipathy toward youth ministers in general is fairly well-documented. Of course, there are individuals in the field whom I truly like but in general I’ve got a bone to pick with youth ministry.
I’m not sure, but I think it happened in the 60s or 70s. Someone, somewhere thought it was a great idea to start engaging the young people with Church. So we started changing the lyrics to popular songs (Who here hasn’t heard “Amazing Grace” sung to the tune of “House Of The Rising Sun”?) and having big parties at church.
When I was growing up, most of the youth ministers I encountered were guys who had some sort of arrested development thing going on. They got into youth ministry because they loved the feeling of someone looking up to them, thinking they were cool. In Junior High I had the best Sunday School teacher. Dave Roth was great. He never talked down to us and delved deep into the meaning of scripture. We had actual Bible study. It was fun and not dry, but we managed to learn at the same time. I’ll stop naming names now, though, because subsequent youth leaders all of a sudden began to believe that we were incapable of study or rational thought. Suddenly church–which I had loved–turned into Mini Golf Paradise. They started youth meetings at 7:37 (Look! A HIP TIME!!!! WE’RE SO TEH KEWL!!!) and bribed us with pizza, pop and ping pong. If there was any Bible discussion at all it was usually pretty facile and covered territory we had already visited in kindergarten. You know–God Loves You! Sharing is Good!
I’ll never forget one of my youth ministers coming to chapel at my Christian School. This was a school where we had in-depth theology classes and deep discussions about things like transubstantiation, abortion, euthanasia and other faith/ethics topics. My youth minister’s idea of addressing “kids” was to sing “Little Bunny Foo Foo”.
As I’ve grown older (and even more curmudgeonly) it seems like this problem was not solely at my home church. The dumbing down of church for the young is causing the modern institutional church to lose 20-somethings at a hemorragic rate.
It’s almost become an expectation that people will drop out of church between 18 and 30 and then return when they have kids and are ready to start “real life.” Meanwhile, the 20somethings are drinking their lives away, buying into the American dream of materialism, and starting off marriages on shaky foundations.
I agree with the bulk of that author’s post, but here’s the thing. I was a 20-something Christian who tried to find a church home periodically. But all the 20-something ministries were geared toward that whole Rock-N-HolyRoll thing. No church seemed to take 20somethings seriously unless they had kids. Then they were only taken seriously as parents of future youth group members.
Yet I wasn’t “buying into materialism” or “drinking my life away”. I was trying to cope with entering the workforce, figuring out who I was, building a healthy marriage, dealing with the struggle of infertility and health issues. In short, I was being a grown-up. But most church congregations don’t see you as grown-up until you hit 30 or drop a couple of shorties–which ever comes first.
The church needs to expect more from people between the ages of 14 and 30. The church needs to realise that this is when serious life choices are being made. Where shall we go to college? Can we go to college? Whom shall we marry? What will we do for the rest of our life? Instead of wooing “youth” with pizza party fun, the church ought to prepare growing people for the challenges of life.
I place a lot of the blame on youth ministers. Instead of hiring a series of Peter Pans to amuse and distract, we ought to hire theologically-grounded counselors with the ability to nurture. Then perhaps institutional church will once again be relevant to those who are adults everywhere but under the steeple.
(Hat tip to Patrick for the original link)
Just Another Pretty Farce 
Sigh.
Yes to all that.
Just so I understand the concept, when you say “youth”, you seem to be talking about 20-somethings, right?
In my church, “youth” starts in 6th grade and continues through the end of high school.
“Young Adult”, in our church, is the 20-somethings. We do not cater specifically to them at all. You go from “youth (teens)” straight to “adult” studies. This seems to be what you are advocating.
20-somethings pretty much avoid our church as well. It’s almost as if it’s perfectly natural, that there’s nothing churches can do about it at all: kids go away to college, get new interests, and fall away from the church. They usually come back when they have kids.
So your observations might be a chicken/egg kind of thing.
I’m not writing clearly right now.
I’m talking about youth ministers from 6th grade to the end of high school and how that philosophy of ministry has bled over into the “young adult” ministry, rendering it vestigial.
kids go away to college, get new interests, and fall away from the church.
I still maintain there would be less “falling away” if there were more open acknowledgment in church of the fact that “20somethings” are adults.
They usually come back when they have kids.
Sometimes that’s just because the institutional church doesn’t confer the respect of adulthood until the “20somethings” have kids.
Justlook at the original post where the guy seems to think that all 20somethings are out partying it up. Not all of them are.
hey kat, thanks for holding me in high regard. i certainly try to do a better way than i was led. though, i too had some great teachers in the mix. there is a trend that is moving away from attraction surface type practices. but, the church in places is co-opted by the market. this is where you see pressure, “we want to have the flagship youth ministry program” (something told to me in an interview for a ym job, when i said i didn’t know what that meant i think that sealed the deal i wasn’t going to get that job). still, you see it happening.
i want to say more, but funny enough, i’ve been at a fun deconstructing the institution of the church gathering and will go to a youth ministries training tomorrow. so when i can talk clearer i’d love to come back. till then.. you are right on. we have done wrong for a generation or two in spiritual practice & theological teaching (not to mention the nature of the church, which probably spans more like a few hundred years) and we need to make apologies to ourselves and others for that.
shalom sister &:~)
This is a great post. It is clear that 20-somethings are missing in most churches, and I’ve pointed the finger, just as you do, at the lack of programming for and understanding of this group.
But I’ve never thought that it is also due to the disconnect between the programming of one’s youth and the attempt and programming for one’s 20-something, childless years.
I’ve heard from countless young persons that most of the time, when they walk into a church for the first time, the first questions are: How old are you? Do you have kids? Are you married? Are you in college? All this to group them into the right Sunday school or Bible study.
Instead, if churches had better study options, they could ask anyone of any age, What do you want to learn today? and send them on to the right group that might be looking at ethical issues, Scriptural issues, or anything else that you mention.
Again, great take here.
Another brand of youth minister is the pre-ordained ministerial candidate who is shuffled into youth ministry – regardless of gifts – becacuse, hey, he’s young and needs some money to pay the bills during seminary.
With so many young people devoted to technology and the Net, it may be a good idea to examine some of the intersections of theology and tech:
http://www.forbes.com/technology/2007/10/05/website-religion-online-tech-cx_ag_1005godweb.html
As a long-time youth ministry veteran (around 15 years now as volunteer or paid staff) I’ve seen a lot of different approaches to youth ministry. This is an interesting post, and there is a lot of truth in what you says. I also think there is a lot of positive change going on in youth ministry circles. We’re using a curriculum (the first time I’ve ever found a curriculum I liked!) that is one of the best frameworks for a deeper youth ministry that I’ve found. I think with kids you still need to have some fun stuff going on, not as a draw, but as tools for building community and relationships and helping students feel welcome. Our adult small group has a game night now and then, and most adult groups do some sort of icebreaker on occasion. But they are tools, not the primary point of the ministry.
The 20 something problem happens a lot because youth ministries can easily be totally disconnected from the church as a whole, so when students graduate, they don’t have any meaningful connection to the concept of the overall church body.
Research has shown that students that regularly attend church with their parents mor frequently maintain a connection to thei faith than those who only attended a youth ministry. THat’s why we don’t have a separate “youth service”, and provide plenty of opportunity for students in to engage in the overall ministry of the church.
Just my 2 cents. Thanks for the post!
And then there’s the “do something completely off-message to reel in boys”:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/07/us/07halo.html
Boy, this drives me nuts.
Yes, yes, yes. Great post and very timely. Our congregation is thinking about staffing models and how age-specific ministries might fit in (or not) and your thoughts are helpful in processing things for me.
20-somethings pretty much avoid our church as well. It’s almost as if it’s perfectly natural, that there’s nothing churches can do about it at all: kids go away to college, get new interests, and fall away from the church.
I can only speak for me, but let me tell you the last time I went to a Christian church (other than a brief stint in college where I got paid $25/hour to sing at one. I don’t think it counts as I was going because they were paying me): The last time I attended a Christian Church was my first Christmas break from college. Home for around a month I attended each Sunday. The level of the material they were covering in my Sunday School class especially (but in the main service sermon as well) was so elementary as to be mildly insulting. In that month, I heard nothing new and experienced NO SPIRITUAL GROWTH WHATSOEVER. After that I never went back, eventually lost my faith in Christianity all together (which was not in small part to continually finding I understood Christianity more in depthly than too many who fancied themselves experts) and became agnostic (which I was for quite awhile).
Now I’ve again found a happy home with a church that includes Christianity in it’s faith but doesn’t limit itself to Christianity, and I’m spiritually growing faster than Jack’s beanstalk, and plan on sticking around for as long as I continue to develop there.
What I think Kat is suggesting is that if churches want to hang on to young people, they need focus on providing (spiritual) food that promotes healthy spiritual growth for those young people. A restaurant that specializes in baby food just won’t be the Friday night hang out in a college town.
This is something I have been aggressively looking to balance in my youth ministry. Keeping it “youthy” enough to keep the 6th graders attention, but “grown” enough to keep the 18/19 yr old senior’s attention. Its not an easy balance.
Thanks for writing this, it keeps the battle to TRUELY be “relevant” (not “cool” but relevant) fresh in my mind.
Hey! First time reader and commentor via timschmoyer.com. Great article. As a minister to students I feel the same. What do you do with parents who think that you’re trying to mature thier children faster than they want them to and they leave the student ministry (or parents pull them out!) That’s where my heart breaks – for students who have parents who do not want to see thier children grow for whatever reason they have.
one more thing…I believe that parents are just as responsible for the “epidemic” of youth dropout in the church. Too many parents feel that if they take thier kids to church and get them involved that this is what “training up a child” is all about. Unfortunately all children see is that it’s mom and dad making them go to church to be a christian, when at home or work the parents can be whatever they want…
I believe that parents are just as responsible for the “epidemic” of youth dropout in the church.
I would agree to that in many cases.
My father tells me that my home church is now instituting something called “Family Impact” which addresses this very thing.
What I think Kat is suggesting is that if churches want to hang on to young people, they need focus on providing (spiritual) food that promotes healthy spiritual growth for those young people.
Pretty much. I’ve got no real opinion on the direction of music ministry per se, as that’s not my thing. But I’m puzzled at how many youth curriculae are leaving depth on the cutting room floor.
Of course, there is the problem of uneven depth, which has got to be a conundrum for someone trying to cross a broad range of ages–as Steve mentions.
Nice article, I also learned of it from Tim Schmoyer’s.
Here’s something for you…
My husband I were hired for youth & young adult, we thought because we had expressed our passion to challenge youth theologically and grow them through the study of Scripture, but we get slapped on the hand for that sort of thing. Yes. Really. We’ve been accused of teaching against our denomination (COG) because we openly discuss the broad theological range/spectrum rather than just sticking to the narrow doctrine of this particular church. (Mind you, we don’t speak against it, we merely let the teens know “this is what some believe, and this is what others believe” and we discuss the similarities & differences.) We want the kids to be aware that there are other Christians out there with a different theological view, but that they are still brothers & sisters in the faith. They love it.
Don’t get me wrong, we do the fun stuff too, but the depth of our ministry, the foundation, is on deep things. We address the basics as we see are necessary, but our group didn’t grow with the basics. The group grew with the challenge to face sin, study scripture, and live a life of sacrifice.
Incidentally, we have grades 7 – 12+. We have told the teen parents that it is our belief that parents should raise their children, not us, and we are here to support them. But either way, we will offer nothing less than challenge, Scripture, and a call to address sin. So, although parents are responsible, we will not wait around for them. We take our position seriously because now is the time, not whenever the parent gets around to it.
Some wonder how our middle schoolers have adapted to the deep messages… well, some topics are difficult for them to fully grasp, but they are encouraged to ask any questions and they have really responded to the deeper content. We have as many as 15 kids stick around to discuss the message rather than going out for a game of Frisbee after the service. That’s 15 out of 40 teens, high & middle school. They used to be counting the time to get out to play but they are now engaged by spiritual matters. Many of them even want to be in our high school bible study, but we address things that are too abstract for their development. The parents are astounded that their teens are late because they are talking about the Bible rather than playing a game!
All in all, our youth ministry has turned around since we replaced the status quo fun-time every-time with deep discussion and challenge with a sprinkle of fun. Not that our pastor likes it, but we really see these teens as staying strong in their faith, not taking the standard post-graduation time off, and impacting others around them to address sin and seek Christ. Time will tell.
As for when our teens move into the young adult ministry, our church doesn’t have anything. I mean zero. You go from a 12 grader to married with kids at our church. We only have 3 20-somethings and 2 belong to the pastor. Our strategy with the young adult ministry is to help these guys find vibrant ministries where they go to college or elsewhere within our community. We have tried to develop the young adult program as we were hired to do, but the pastor doesn’t support that either. Odd, I know. But we do have some post-graduates that we are working with now to keep them involved in ministry as best we can. We are lucky in that we have 1-2 other churches with good 20-somthing ministries that are strong. Our challenge is those congregations are from other denominations and our pastor teaches that our denom. is THE WAY. Yikes! It makes it difficult to plug someone into a quality ministry when that person is ridiculed for, well, I guess for apostasy or something.
I say all that to show that we are just seeking to get those 20-somethings in there. We don’t care where; we just want them in a quality, God exalting fellowship of believers. Heck, we have even referred some of our teens to other ministries because they didn’t feel like they fit in during the staff transition and they are thriving. Perhaps, rather than trying to have the flagship program, why don’t we get folks plugged into a place that is already established? That’s our strategy. But we realize, as in our present place of service, there is a territorial pride that needs to be addressed. We are coming up against that pride regularly though, so we are used to addressing it in a, well, straight forward manner. It’s a tough one for others, especially if you’re afraid of loosing membership to another church or losing your job. But we finally decided to stop the proselytizeing game and not worry about losing the ministry job. So far, God is doing great work with our referrals in an area that we just can’t offer the strength or stability necessary.
You are right, we do dumb down youth ministry. I think most of us are stuck striving for a happy medium.
also I too think there is a disconnect between youth and “big church”. Part of that is progamatic, the other is relational. We just don’t encourage relationships between youth and the adults in church. It comes to a head as young adults when they graduate youth ministry and don’t have relationships with any adults outside the confines of youth ministry/
We have to do a better job of brokering these relationships.
Links and posts to check out (vol 6)
Breaking the ice – using icebreakers in small groups
(Grahame writes about using icebreakers in small groups and as group building/participation activities before teaching. He shares 10 icebreakers in the post.)
MySpace Session Notes
(Josh posted the P…
We’ve been accused of teaching against our denomination (COG) because we openly discuss the broad theological range/spectrum rather than just sticking to the narrow doctrine of this particular church.
Toward the end of my time in my old church’s youth group, the youth leaders had alot of negativity directed at them for taking the youth group to an inter-denominational Christian music festival (as opposed to an explicitly Baptist event). Never will understand that line of thought.
Hey, great post! (I realize I’m a little late in the conversation.) As a parent of a high school junior and a high school senior, I completely agree with you. Although I thought the arrested development thing just related to wanting to play games, party and have fun, not necessarily to having people look up to you. 😉
We hear a whole bunch of talk about how youth ministry is there to support us as parents, blah, blah, blah; the reality is when your child is old enough to go to youth group, parents are told NOT to come and then never given opportunity for in-put. Ever.
My kids see very little point to the entire youth ministries exercise.
My kids see very little point to the entire youth ministries exercise.
🙂
My kids see very little point to the entire youth ministries exercise.
[…] way through, though, I was struck by the saddest of thoughts. Purportedly about the murder of the youth pastor’s wife, the book was as much the story of a church split resulting from ingroup/outgroup […]
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