I think I’m at that age where my “couple friends” are starting to be picked off like weakened gazelles by the roving predators of Sexy Outsiders, Fights About Money and Dear God, This Isn’t Where I Thought I’d Be Five Years Ago.
It’s making me beyond sad. It’s making me emotionally exhausted. And yes, I know that I’m not going through a divorce right now. I can’t fully comprehend the unique pain that my friends are suffering through. So I feel teh stupid writing a post about having pity on the friends of the divorced couples. It’s so lame I can’t even begin to believe I’m typing this out.
But you know what? I DO matter. My feelings and emotions DO count for something. I’ll grieve with you as your marriage dies, because I know how hard it is. Look, gang. I’ve been with the man who is my husband for nearly 18 years now. You’re seriously deluding yourselves if you think he and I haven’t had problems from time to time. There was a point in time where we both thought it was over, where he moved out because he couldn’t stand my behaviour. And I was happy to let him go. Well, we got over that through a lot of work and patience and caring and forgiveness. And it’s been hard.
Marriage is not like they tell you at the Retreats. Marriage is not all hearts and flowers and big houses and fancy cars and nineteen vacations a year. Marriage is good and BAD. Personally, I’d rather see everyone stay married. But I’m old enough to realise that I have no idea what goes on behind the closed doors of other people’s houses. I’m sure that there are many people who are not well and truly married. It is not my place to fault anyone who decides to get off the train for whatever reason.
But here’s the thing.
Let’s set a few ground rules, shall we?
- Just because you have a problem with the person you’re no longer married to, that doesn’t mean that I need to have the same problems with that person.
- You may have had bad luck with A man or A woman. That doesn’t mean that ALL men or ALL women are deserving of your contempt. So don’t force me to listen to “all men are a waste of time” or “all women are heartless bitches” speeches. I’m married to a good man and I’m a woman. I don’t care to be tarred with your bitterness brush.
- Don’t try to turn me against your Former Significant Other by telling me all the bad things your FSO has said about me or my husband behind my back.
- Don’t assume I don’t know that there are always at least three sides to every story.
- Don’t ever assume that I don’t love you. Because I do. I want to see everyone in the healthiest possible place. But I don’t want to be wounded as you go through your healing process.