The last 48 hours have been a huge test designed to see how well I handle certain pressures. In case you were wondering I’ll jump to the end result and say “not well.”
I’m trying to be vague here because I don’t want to hurt feelings. The person or persons of interest may or may not read this blog and while I want large amounts of opinion from the vast world I don’t wish to use my little corner of soapbox to directly humiliate any one person. At least not today.
So let’s just propose something.
You do a favour for a person. A pretty large favour, actually. In fact–kind of huge. This person is then repeatedly inconsiderate to you and eventually–directly through his or her actions–costs you more than $500, a day of lost work and quite a bit of grief.
Do you then ask that person to pay the money they cost you or do you write it off as yet another in the myriad of inconsiderate jerk moves that person has made during the brief time you’ve known them?
The angry and tired me is all prepared to put the bill in a nice envelope to hand to this person once I see him or her. The part of me that wants to be gracious feels like I should let it go.
There’s a middle road, in which you, in the course of conversation with the person, bring up the grief and casually mention the $500. All in a friendly, humorous way. Anyone who has any class will know what to respond to that. And you have the option, if this person lacks said class, to follow up by saying that you hope s/he can help out with the cost.
I think it depends. If you have some kind of legal document that outlines your relationship with this person and if that legal document makes you responsible for upkeep and repairs on items, then you have to suck it up.
If not, then I think you should say to him that his actions cost you $500, which you don’t have, and that you really need him to pay for what he damaged.
nm has a good idea, but in practice, I’d probably be too pissed and bitter to make a ha-ha out of it if I found myself in that situation. It would not be the best way, but I would lumber right into the middle of the mess, because I am unable to keep my mouth shut when I feel wronged.
Whatever the resolution of the specific episode, it should be clear that you’re going to have to cancel the series, right? And sooner rather than later? If you have a firm date in hand when you know your trials will be over, it will be easier to let jerky behavior slide if you decide to do so because you know its (limited) duration.
I agree with nm. That’s good advice. Wait until you can be calm and nice about it and say, “Oh, I wanted to let you know that you need to not do x because x resulted and the bill to fix it was x.” And if you’re met with a blank stare or hemming and hawing, say something to the effect of. “Oh, no worries–you don’t have to pay us all at one time. Perhaps $100 per week until it’s paid off. Thanks!” Be sure to be cheery about it. You’re doing this person a huge favor. Sure, no good deed goes unpunished, but there’s no need to just roll over and take it if you don’t have to.
I think nm gave the best advice. That’s what I’d WANT to do in that situation. But if I’m being honest, (knowing myself) I’d probably end up just letting it go and distancing myself from the person from here on out. of course I don’t know the details of your situation and those details could make all the difference.
Since everyone is so busy praising my advice, let me admit that if I were in that hypothetical situation I’d be so angry ($500? out of my household’s income? that’s a lot of money) that I probably wouldn’t take it myself. What I would probably do instead is send the person a strongly worded letter with copies of the invoices I’d had to pay and my own invoice to that person for the amount. Which would, of course, further worsen the situation. I’m just saying that this is something it would be good to be able to do instead.