Shame And Rejoicing: Gadget Porn

The shame part is because I’ve never been a great writer of tech gadget posts. People like Ceeelcee and Kerry Woo and Caseydo a really good job and are able to toss around specs and other kinds of facts that I just don’t know how to put in. It’s not that I don’t know how they work and what they mean, those phrases like P-Ram and Bluetooth and whatnot. I tend to write my tech posts the way sloppy romance writers write sex scenes in books. While I know the mechanics behind it all, I think most folks get turned on by reading about all the parts in action.

But tech writers and tech readers like to talk about the parts and how they work and that’s fine with me. That’s why I’m not a tech writer. It’s also why I don’t write about techie things–it comes off like cheap gadget porn.

This is a post about gadget porn. Because I am in love with my iPod Touch. Yes, I got it nearly nine months ago (it was a Christmas present) and yes, I know the firmware update and the App storewas old news several weeks ago. But just as it took me a bit longer than some kids to lose my virginity it also took me a bit longer to install the firmware on my Touch. That firmware which takes it from a respectable sexy gadget and revs it up into this life-changing va-va-voom piece of glowing glassy gateways.

You see, with the apps it stops just being about music and video and looking at pictures and becomes something you interact with. It becomes something you graft onto your life. The “apps” (tiny applications) range in price from free to upwards of $10, with the games and high-end photography programs being more expensive. There are apps to help you be more active and apps to help you relax. You can expand your mind and rot your brain. You can save the universe and destroy little dots in a maze. It is just…incredible.

My top five apps of the moment are:

1. Lucky 7 Slots: It’s a slot machine written by my friend and it just completely rocks. It saves you a trip to the casino and still delivers the thrill of a mindless gamble. And you don’t have to sit next to a retiree who smells like cigarettes and adult diapers and that old lady perfume.
2. Texas Hold’em: If Casey had written this one it’d be number one. I’m a long-time poker junkie, but had to give it up as my mobility decreased. Well, that and after a long weekend of strung out seven-card stud I swore I’d never again play poker with friends. To me it’s a business and a chance to retreat inside my own head. I become a different person when I play poker and I just would rather be that person around strangers. Thanks to this great app I can play poker while being anywhere in the world. I don’t lose money and I don’t lose friends.
3. Waterwords: The most relaxing wordgame in the world and I can play it for hours. It keeps my brain sharp.
4. Bubblewrap: Do I have to explain why a FREE game that challenges you to pop as many bubblewrap cells as possible in 45 seconds is just cool?
5. Koi Pond: This is the most relaxing thing in the world. It’s an overhead view of a blissful rockbottomed pond teeming with beautiful koi. You can splash and play in the water, feed the fish and zone out to the noise of birds, frogs, crickets and wind.

There are a dozen others that do various things like track knitting rows, sharpen math skills and find restaurants for you. And yes, I know this just amounts to a bunch of silly games. But I love it beyond all reason.