BSG & Design Star

I’m going to talk about the two tv shows I watched this weekend which made an impression. My rant about homosexual men on reality shows turned out to be longer than I thought, so I’ve more-tagged the Design Star portion…

First, though, let’s talk about Battlestar Galactica
[spoilers here, gang]

Finally. I sat through what felt like at least four excruciatingly dull episodes about Baltar As Ascendant Christ and Starbuck as Cassandra and Laura Roslin as Mother Mary/Passion Christ. It got to the place where I was happier doing something else at the computer while the show played out in the background. Otherwise I was as bored as a child at a church budget meeting. (And I know whereof I speak.)

Then they knocked it out of the park. Adama literally breaking at the news about Tigh. The naked sense of betrayal in Kara’s face to find out that her husband was a skinjob. Baltar’s “Holy Cow! That makes THREE Cylon’s I’ve nailed!!!” upon Tory’s big reveal.

And of course Earth. You just knew they weren’t going to land in the middle of Central Park to the strains of a marching band–the story is too dark for that. When they step out into a barren wasteland, geiger counter ominously ticking announcements of radiated soil, I just know the writers were counting on all of us to think “Planet Of The Apes”. We’re supposed to just know that the Humans made it to Earth after we bastards had destroyed it already.

Sorry, no. I don’t buy it. I think the big twist is that the motley crew of Humans and Lovable Cylon Kin are going to actually prove to be our forerunners in that whole Chariots-of-the-Gods way. That’s why the ruins on “earth” were so nondescript and vague. Besides, the Human scriptures are always full of that “It’s All Happened Before and It Will All Happen Again” circular futility.

Since my last set of analysis proved to be so on the money I feel good about going with my gut on this one.

Design Star

I hate so many things about reality TV it’s not even funny. I hate the feeling of naked manipulation at the hands of the editors. I hate the stereotyped casting. I hate the ridiculous themed props–roses and paint cans full of money. A lot of that is rooted in my dislike of external competition. I am a big one for competing against myself to better myself but cannot stand the idea of going against other people. I sat through the Clay/Reuben season of American Idol and I braved some years of Last Comic Standing. Beyond that I’m profoundly uneasy by competitive reality, so I tend to stick with the How-Tos and the Candids that just show people going about their business without jumping through hurdles for some cockamamie prize.

I’m watching this season of “Design Star” because it’s set in Nashville. I like to see what folks from the outside world think of my adopted home town. So far it jibes with my assumptions because they’ve shown about a hundred shots of the the Hall of Fame, the Ryman and that one sign that says “Live Music Venues” that’s downtown somewhere around Lower Broad. The Challenge House has guitars hanging on the wall. I don’t mind the emphasis on music because it does bring the spotlight and resultant tourist dollars here, but golly, Gomer. So much of what Nashville truly is about has become this country’s best-kept secret. Looks as though Design Star isn’t going to be the proving ground to show folks any more of Nashville than the all-too-familiar Pickin’ n’ Grinnin’ facade.

Since I suppose the point of any horse race is to pick your horse, my money’s on the Matt Clarke fellow from Colorado who made the bed on last night’s episode. [His name is the only name I remember, to be honest.] He seems innovative and good-natured. He also seems to have skills which go beyond picking out colours of paint and swishing around to be the Campy Gay Guy. I swear I cannot wait for the time when homosexual men stop being the broadly-caricatured minstrel show farce that they have become. Of all the gay men I know I’ve only known one who actually acts in that mincing “Ladeeees First” way in real life. Whenever I see the way the reality shows cast their gay male characters it seems as gross to me as if they cast a fat girl and her standing around eating big bowls of ice cream in every scene. It just isn’t REAL. It’s what people expect–but it’s not REAL. I suspect that some of the gay men who get cast in those shows play it up because they KNOW that’s what’s expected of them. On the first episode–which aired last week–when the campy gay guy arrived at the big reveal one of the women designers said “My girlfriend’s here!” and I about threw up. No. Hearing someone say that is as offensive to me as if someone had said “finally someone will clean up after us” when the black guy came.

I guess I won’t have to be worried about people offending the black guy because he’s the one who got voted off last night. I wasn’t surprised, because I got the feeling that he was chosen only because they wanted to choose someone who was easy to send home early. Last year’s winner was a pudgy black woman and I didn’t see them keeping a pudgy black man in the running very long. The fact that his design was sort of crappy gave them a good reason, I suppose.

I do suspect that the one I like is the one that the producers are hoping All Of America likes. In last night’s episode he was shown without his shirt at least three times, had more talking head shots than anyone else and was clearly the strongest and most innovative of the ones they’ve got. Since HGTV has a full roster of people who can pick out paint colours, stuff flowers into vases and draw cheapo “wall art”, I imagine they’re looking for person who can host a different sort of show. And it looks like Matt Clarke is the guy.

As for the rest of it–the crying and the bickering and the Miss Bossy Straight-A Student who threw her team under the bus–eh. That’s all bread and circuses territory, I guess. I don’t think the lady was right to shift the blame to the others, but I understood full well why she did it. I’ve been the INTJ in the room my whole life. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re the only one on the team working while the others are cutting up and flirting and joking. Of the 31 hours they all worked together we saw a grand total of four and a half minutes, so I can’t say that she was wrong.

Other thoughts:

• The girls who bargained with their tits should have been ashamed.   Not only for using their bodies to get what they wanted but also for painting over that beautiful table.
• Every time the cop guy said “POA” I automatically thought he meant “Prisoner of Azkaban”, as that’s what those three letters mean in the hundreds of emails I get about it a week.
• I’d love to know which stores they went to.  Besides Sears.
• I’d also love to know where the house is.   I think it’s on Old Hickory Lake, but where?