Lost: Eat Me

Ah, Lewis Carroll! What would we do without you, oh you gallant mathematician with the addled mind?! We certainly wouldn’t have far-out passages of literature for our characters to read to sleeping babies. Granted, it’s nicer for them to read part of a story than to actually come into our living rooms and hit us over the head with cricket bats while shouting “DON’T YOU GET HOW DEEP AND LAYERED THIS STORY IS?!?!”
But still…

I regret that I missed writing about last week’s episode because that was a corker! Time-travel, dimension travel and (best of all) a code of conduct! True geeks love Codes of Conduct. I blame Asimov for this, but of course some culpability lies with The Federation as well. So, yeah, last week I was all entranced. Not to mention that those 58 minutes made truncheons cool again! Gotta love the truncheon.

Tonight’s episode had no truncheons. But it did bang us over the head with its own cutseypoo twistiness. Did Jack wake up as himself today? Or is this an alternate universe? Why did he not have an appendectomy scar in the future, huh?

There are these people who live just up the hill from me, at the end of the cul-de-sac. I see them pull into their driveway occasionally. On weekends I’ll sometimes see a man out front doing yardwork and kids riding their bikes up and down the driveway. Beyond that I know next to nothing about these folks.

And I care more about their life–infinitely more–than I do Jack and Kate. Every time a non-Island story comes on which centers around those two I feel gypped. It’s as though someone has dropped a Danielle Steel chapter in the middle of my Stephen King book. I’m just waiting to find out what happens to the kids and the giant spider and then I have to take valuable time to see if Storm and Linea can save their love from the forces of the outside world…and their own troubled pasts!! Urgh.

>> If I were a woman who had performed countless Caesareans, tubal ligations, tubal reconnections and human egg extractions I think I would tell the guy who doesn’t trust me to take out his APPENDIX to just suck turds. I mean, come on! The woman is a fertility specialist who has doubtless spent years of her life doing microsurgery in abdomens of all shapes and sizes. I think she can handle yanking out one dork’s appendix. From what medical people tell me, taking out an appendix is the surgical equivalent of boiling water. Although I suspect that Jack was worried about the special nature of his anatomy. Even though Juliet’s had to do a lot of invasive gut surgery, I bet this is the first time she had to work around the delicate anatomy of a patient’s face. No one has their head up their ass like Jack.

>> If you are in a Sociopathic Commando Kill Squad and determined to massacre anyone and everyone who crosses your path, why would you take time out of your busy slaughterin’ duties to bury two inconsequential collateral damage bodies? Of course, I realise that I’m also supposed to wonder why you’re wandering around hours after you’ve been devoured by a smoke beast. But I’ve seen dead men walkin’ all over this island. I’m less shocked and more annoyed and confused by your continued ambulatoriness.

>> Cute! Aaron has a toy Milennium Falcon. I wonder how much they have to pay George to use it in the show. Also, how old is Aaron anyway? I thought he was two or three, but the fridge art looks like it was done by at least an 8 year old. And the MF ship is not suitable for children under 3.

>> It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten. Does JACK know that Aaron is his half-nephew? I know we know, but I can’t remember if we know that Jack knows yet or if that was supposed to be a shocking thing when he was fighting with Kate tonight. (”You’re not even related to him.”)

>> Does Evangeline Lilly have a “must appear in skimpy underwear at least 4 times per season” clause in her contract?

>> Santa Rosa (Saint Rose) was the first Catholic Saint of the Americas. She was very much into absolution through pain. She slept on a bed of broken glass, starved herself and wore a chain around her waist that cut her skin to ribbons. It’s appropriate that the mental hospital where Hurley suffers his penance is named after her.

>> There is a very popular film which opens with the shot of one eye. I can’t remember it, but I’m sure if I could there’d be some larger significance.