I was talking about the Colson article with my mom on the phone and it set me on a mental tangent.
I’ve been going to church since I was in utero. I went to a Christian school and did part of my college studies at a prominent Christian university. I’ve been in nearly every sort of service you can imagine–I think the only kind of North American Christian worship I haven’t participated in is snake handling. Believe me, I’m content to let that one slide.
There are many phrases which are so often used by folks in the church that they’ve become idiomatic or on par with verbal tics.
I’ll start with the phrase Colson used which drives me batty.
Scripture tells us
Really? Which scripture and where? We are not illiterate peasants at the mercy of monks. We don’t need a “trust me, it’s in the Bible” type of answer. If you are trying to convince us of your position then give us access to the source documents for your position. Otherwise you sound both lofty (“I can read the Bible better than you”) and unconcerned with your audience’s ability to form their own opinion. The greatest thing about the Bible is that God meant it for all to be able to read. Many of the earliest scriptures were written in the language of the lay people.
Turn in your Bibles…
This always cracks me up. They mean to say “Open your bible to Matthew 6″ or whatever scripture we’re all reading. But they say “turn in your Bibles to Matthew 6.” Without that last prepositional phrase it sounds like we’re all supposed to put our Bibles in the collection plate.
Every head bowed and every eye closed
Always a favourite with youth ministers, revival preachers and anyone else who wants to gauge the effectiveness of their message by polling for conviction. The true purpose of praying with head bowed is to show obesience and humility to God. The true purpose of praying with eyes closed is to allow for a more meditative conversation with God by blocking out distractions. But whenever a speaker insists on everyone in the room bowing their heads and closing their eyes you know sure as you’re born that a show of hands is soon to follow. Was their preaching a mighty wind that blew open the fettered hearts of the crowd? They must know by asking anyone who wants prayer/to rededicate their life to raise their hands. Since churchgoers know each other it’s best if we aren’t looking. God knows WE shouldn’t be aware of who needs prayer among us.
Always a favourite with youth ministers….
This will sound petty but my biggest pet-peeve with church jargon are those folks–usually youth pastors–who use the word “just” all the time in prayer. For example:
“Lord, we just ask that you be with us now and just shine your light on us. We just want to be in your presence right now, and just ask that you let us do your work here in this community. Just show us your will, just guide us … ” etc. etc.
I just hate it! It’s laziness, pure and simple.
I went to a Steve Camp concert years ago. He did a marvelous job of presenting the gospel, and when it came time to talk about commitment, he stunned me by saying “every head up and every eye looking around…”
He wanted to make sure those who were contemplating a commitment to Christ knew that it meant things would be different in their lives, that the change required sacrifice, and that everyone should darn well know about it. None of this anonymous Christianity crap.
I loved it.
J
Ooh! I vote for the phrase “traveling mercies”.
I had never heard that until I started working at a religious organization.
[...] Phrases (Methodist Edition) April 16, 2008 — Slartibartfast Kat’s postabout churchy phrases made me laugh. Having been in quite a number and variety of churches through [...]
Since I’m a CofC lifer, I don’t know if this is said everywhere but all CofC boys (who later grow up into CofC men) are taught by example and instruction (at least from what I can tell) to use the phrase, “guide, guard and direct us” in their prayers. There’s nothing particularly wrong about the phrase, rather than being a tad redundant, but for some reason it always drives me crazy to hear it in a prayer. I guess it’s because it’s makes the prayer sound insincere and unoriginal.
Meanwhile, if I can vote for a phrase that I LOVE that is rapidly disappearing (at least in the churches of Eastern KY), it’s “watch-care.” As in “we ask that You hold us close and keep up in Your watch-care.” My husband’s grandfather used to use this in his daily house-blessing. It might not be original (it’s an old formula), but it has a sentimental resonance for me and I hate to think it will be lost.
Southern Beale said what I was thinking. I cringe every time I hear just just just just just every third word in prayer.
For me it’s when they talk of ‘conviction’ (I have to figure out which edition of Law & Order I’m in).
Being in Lutheran circles, I don’t hear the next one as often as I do when I visit other churches : the prayer leader who prays aloud, rapidly, saying the word “Jesus” every few words.