A List For Modern Worship Leaders « Just Another Pretty Farce

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A List For Modern Worship Leaders

December 28, 2007 by Katherine Coble

We are not at church to worship YOU.
No one cares how “transported” you are by the music.
This is not a show starring you.
No matter how musically talented you are, you are not the last word on theology and matters of faith
You look like an idiot when you wear sandals to church. Yes, Jesus wore sandals. Jesus also lived in Israel 2000 years ago and didn’t have indoor plumbing. I bet you showered and flushed the potty before coming to church. Try adding “put on big boy shoes” to your getting-ready-for-church repratoire.
Songs with 9 words do NOT get more profound if you repeat them over and over again.
There is more to God than how “awesome” he makes YOU feel. Try finding a song or three that magnifies God’s characteristics apart from the warm fuzzies YOU get from ~~worshipping him~~ singing in front of an audience.
If a song could also be sung to your cat, then perhaps you could aim for something with a bit more substance. For instance: “The sun shines in your eyes/you make my day complete/I could love you all day long/ your love is so sweet.”
Do not talk during the song. You sound like an egomaniacal moron when you interrupt the congregational singing with your chestnuts of wisdom. For instance: Siiilent Niiight Lord, we’re glad to praise you on this silent night Ho-o-o-leeee Niiight “God you are so awesomely holy!!!”

Posted in Monkey Wash Donkey Rinse | 35 Comments

35 Responses

on December 28, 2007 at 12:49 am | Reply Christy N

[snicker]
on December 28, 2007 at 12:51 am | Reply Elizabeth

thank you for saying this — it definitely needed to be vocalized.
on December 28, 2007 at 12:53 am | Reply gavin

haha! this is awesome kat! love it.. though, i am one that wears the flip flops to church and i have when leading worship (done enough times, but not enough to be good at it) gone barefoot. since you know me enough, that isn’t a cool thing, i do have a idea behind that. &:~)

a word i heard once for what you are speaking to: “worshiptainment”
on December 28, 2007 at 1:14 am | Reply holly

Love it so very much. More than I can possibly express and more than you care to know.
on December 28, 2007 at 6:08 am | Reply Ginger

LMAO!!!! I’ll bet I know what church you visited this past week.

One of the most spot-on posts I’ve read in months.
on December 28, 2007 at 8:48 am | Reply Slartibartfast

This brings back such warm, fuzzy memories for me.

Worship leading is kind of like parenting. Everybody’s an expert.
on December 28, 2007 at 8:52 am | Reply bridgett

This made me giggle.
on December 28, 2007 at 9:07 am | Reply Sarcastro

This reminds me of the South Park episode “Christian Rock Hard”.

[Cartman's house. He, Token and Butters begin to practice]

Cartman: All right, guys, this is gonna be so easy. All we have to do to make Christian songs is take regular old songs and add Jesus stuff to them. [some sheet music is shown. Cartman has already crossed out the original author's name] See? All we have to do is cross out words like “baby” and “Darling” and replace them with [writes next to "baby"] Jesus. All right, Butters, give me a beat. [Butters doesn't understand, but starts drumming. It's rather good] Okay, nice. Very nice. All right, Token, give me a smooth bass line.

Token: I don’t know how to play bass. [Butters stops]

Cartman: [Sighs, has his left fist on his forehead, eyes shut] Token, how many times do we have to go through this? You’re black. You can play bass.

Token: I’m gettin’ sick of your stereotypes!

Cartman: Be as sick as you want, just give me a God-damned bass line! [Token begins to play a bass line, then is surprised that he can actually do it, then realizes that Cartman is right]

Token: God-damnit! [Butters joins in and their sounds flow together]

Cartman: All right. Nice, fellas. Nice. [begins to sing]
I need you in my life, Jesus.
I can’t live without you, Jesus
And I just want to feel you deep inside me, Jesus.

Butters: Well done!
on December 28, 2007 at 11:56 am | Reply Fresh Girl

You must have been at my church since the new pastor pushed out our fantastic minister of music who’d been there 30+ years in favor of a flashy younger model with lots of bright white teeth and very little substance.
on December 28, 2007 at 1:05 pm | Reply RevJay

Well done!!!
on December 28, 2007 at 1:25 pm | Reply Katherine Coble

Worship leading is kind of like parenting. Everybody’s an expert.

Except:

Everybody is. We ALL worship. Worship means “the reverent love and devotion accorded to a diety or sacred object.” For Christians, we all worship.

There are 10 main styles of worship, according to the notes I took on a pastor’s sermon about 5 years ago. Not everyone worships like I do, and I’m fine with that.

However, the problem with many modern song leaders is that we call them “worship leaders” and give them the idea that their one style of worship is the LEADING style of worship. So they stop facilitating congregational group worship and start having concerts.

If you are a worship leader in a congregation, everybody IS an expert. We all worship.
on December 28, 2007 at 1:55 pm | Reply 9 Rules For Modern Worship Leaders at Trying to follow

[...] 9 Rules For Modern Worship Leaders [via] [...]
on December 28, 2007 at 2:06 pm | Reply Christian

One of the ugliest things I see around here are these $30,000 billboards prominently featuring the pastor and his wife of some megachurch. Gaaaaaaahhhhhh. I guess Jesus is just too humble an image to appeal to a cult of personality.
on December 28, 2007 at 3:42 pm | Reply Slartibartfast

Sorry, Kat. The wounds are still too fresh, the pain too deep. I’m afraid I probably shouldn’t be discussing this right now.
on December 28, 2007 at 5:16 pm | Reply Jay

“God, fk yeah!”
on December 28, 2007 at 8:28 pm | Reply Mike

Godslap and good post
on December 28, 2007 at 10:17 pm | Reply Busy Mom

Love that, and, I’m Catholic (most points don’t apply).
on December 28, 2007 at 10:42 pm | Reply Lydia

8. I refer to these as “Jesus is my boyfriend” songs.
on December 29, 2007 at 12:18 am | Reply Anna

#6… I wish I could say this to some of the worship leaders at my school.
on December 29, 2007 at 1:01 am | Reply Elena

Lydia: Hahahahahah! That’s awesome!! *giggles*

Kat, please tell me this wasn’t FBCNash. Please tell me it wasn’t.
on December 29, 2007 at 10:39 pm | Reply Roger Abramson

May I add another?

People should not be reading song lyrics off of a wall projection. There are things called hymnals. Use them.

What? You say these sorts of songs don’t appear in hymnals? Well then, consider that a major hint.
on December 30, 2007 at 9:05 pm | Reply Rachel

“I refer to these as “Jesus is my boyfriend” songs.” – Indeed. Also, agreeing with Roger – PowerPoint in church upsets me.
on December 31, 2007 at 8:52 am | Reply nm

It’s not just Christian congregations that experience most of the problems on this list. I swear it’s because it’s Nashville and so many people came here to be stars.
on December 31, 2007 at 11:19 am | Reply Roger Abramson

Taking my cue from Sarcastro:

Cartman: You know, Jesus? I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and, well, that’s why I wrote this song. I love you, Jesus. I want you to walk with me. I’ll take good care of you baby. Call you my baby, baby! You died for my sins, and you know that I would die for you, right? What’s the matter, baby? You tremble at Jesus, baby! Your love… is my life! You know when I’m without you, there’s a black hole in my life! Oo-ohhh! I wanna believe. It’s all right, ’cause I get lonely in the night and it’s up to you to Save me! Jee…sus…bay-by!

And…

Executive: We just have one question, though. We were looking over some of your lyrics. (reads lyrics) I want to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus on a private beach for two. I want him to nibble on my ear and say “I’m here for you”. It seems you really love Christ.
Cartman: Yes, we sure do.
Executive: No, but it appears you are actually in love with Christ.
Cartman: Well what are you saying? That, that you don’t really love Christ?
Executive: Well of course I do. I mean I just –
Cartman: Well what’s the difference? You love Christ, you’re in love with Christ, I mean, uh, what the heck is this?
on December 31, 2007 at 3:42 pm | Reply nm

If Jesus is your boyfriend, is your Easter hymn “My Boyfriend’s Back”?
on December 31, 2007 at 4:10 pm | Reply Malia

I’m actually going to defend the powerpoint!

Honestly, I prefer seeing people engaged in worship instead of with their noses stuck in a hymnal. They know these songs by heart because they’ve been singing them since the cradle and yet they still “need” the hymnal to sing the songs. I know not everyone does that but when I’m at churches who still use only hymnals, that’s what I see out of the majority of the congregation.

IMO, FWIW
on January 1, 2008 at 3:43 pm | Reply Sarcastro

Cartman (singing): I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!
on January 2, 2008 at 10:11 am | Reply Roger Abramson

Cartman (singing): Whenever I see Jesus up on that cross I can’t help but think that he looks kinda hot…
on January 2, 2008 at 1:32 pm | Reply sistasmiff

The word “awesome” is sucky word. Hate it.

Ask Mr. Smiff what he thinks of contemporary worship. Hee haw. He has a hilarious imitation of praise type songs.

My brother in law has just taken a music leader job at a Baptist church. I think he’s going to find it’s a lot harder than it looks and more stressful than it appears.

I like contemporary worship as well as traditional. I’m trying to break our choir of the need to keep their heads stuck in a book when we sing something peppy.

I don’t think Jesus cares so much about what we wear to church as to the condition of our heart, myself. We don’t dress up for church anymore. When I did wear a skirt recently, I had forgotten what it felt like to wear hose.
on January 9, 2008 at 9:00 pm | Reply Shep

I stumbled upon this through google, I recently posted something similar in my frustration to a worship minister that said, “now, let’s stand and worship God.” As if we weren’t worshiping God by listening intently to the sermon.

It wouldn’t be an issue if worship ministers didn’t say it all the time.

I do like wearing sandals to church though :-p
on April 25, 2008 at 8:12 am | Reply Jack

This is one of the saddest things I’ve read in years. Who cares what your music minister does. Worry about yourself and stop bashing people.
on March 22, 2009 at 12:52 pm | Reply andy

it’s too bad you’ve had some bad experiences with some worship leaders. i’m just now helping start a school of worship where most if not all of these points will be eliminated.

i agree with the last post, though. i am a worship leader myself, and it deeply grieves me to hear that a person would much rather pay attention to the worship leader instead of worshipping the God that she should serve, and at that, post a martin luther miniature of the 95 theses. shame on you.

although i do agree in some regards (of which most regards are purely basic and obvious. no one in there right mind (pure mind) would stand up and consider themselves the last word in theology). ma’am, you are not the last word, either. shame on you again. you are obviously not a worship leader or anywhere near a servant. from your post, you seem more of like a bitter and angry person who cannot serve her Lord with a pure heart and a gracious mind.

lastly, what kind of example are you leading by this blog? is it one that will bring ones to Christ? OR SCARE THOSE WHO NEED HIM AWAY BECAUSE OF YOUR ATTITUDE?

shape up, soldier. read the Word and discover LOVE for those that serve even when it may seem they are not. serve God yourself!

by the way, i lead worship for thousands of people (young and old) each week wearing flip flops. get to know your worship leader or learn how to lead worship yourself.
- on June 5, 2009 at 1:42 am | Reply deborah
  
  I am hoping to connect with Andy that wrote the post about the school of worship. Has this already been formed??? I am a worship leader myself. I am on a leave right now after 2 yrs. of leading. I never knew sheep could have such teeth! The wounds of my own congration have been very painful. If I am doing anything that could be improved on to help draw people closer in unity of worship I desire to grow. God is so amazing and corporate worship can be so incredible. If you get this Andy, is there information on your school you can post and or let me know about??? Thanks so much in advance!!!!
  - on June 5, 2009 at 10:19 am andy
    
    hey deborah,
    
    i’m sorry that your church body hurt you, although i do not understand or know the circumstances. maybe it is what the Lord wants. the school of worship hasn’t started yet, but i do encourage you to consider it this coming semester. it is a wonderful program that actually branches off of our “school of ministry,” which has been established for quite some time. in short, we are well equipped to facilitate learning, growth, and ministry opportunity. here is the link.
    
    http://www.calvaryabq.org/sow/
    
    again, pray about it. consider it. if this school doesn’t ring a bell for you, there are several others. just “google” school of worship. you’ll find ‘em. God bless you, sister. let’s become lead worshippers for the glory of Christ ALONE!
    
    andy
on June 11, 2009 at 3:05 am | Reply deborah

Thanks Andy!

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