A Heartfelt Plea For Parents
April 2, 2007 by Katherine Coble
If you have children–even one child–I’m asking you something. Even if you are an aunt or an uncle or a godparent or a Big Brother or Big Sister or Boys And Girls Club person, I’m asking you, too.
Scratch that.
I’m begging you.
And yes, I understand that as one of the childless out here I have no idea the exquisite pressures that face you. I don’t get and will never get ‘it’ unless I and my uterus sign on to your team. I accept that I’m partially in the dark on this one.
But please please please–whatever you do–do NOT buy your kids those sneakers with the rollerskate wheels. Of course, I was a kid and I know that kids have this impressive network of groupthink already established. It may be a matter of social life or death for your kid to have Heelys. Logan and Emma have Heelys. Practically the entire class has Heelys, and if your kid doesn’t get them he or she will be doomed to standing on the front porch with the future members of the A/V club during recess.
So buy your kid the fancy footwork for sure. I don’t want you to psychological mar your child.
But know this.
If I have to duck out of the way of your kid (again)
–in the line at Barnes & Noble
–while shopping for groceries
–in the crowded lobby of Red Robin while waiting for a table
–while refilling my soda at Salsarita’s
–waiting for a sandwich at Panera
–looking at TVs in Best Buy
–at the freakin’ PUBLIC LIBRARY
i cannot vouch for what will happen. If I were a cartoon character right now, the blood would be bubbling up to my eyeballs and the steam would shoot from my ears in puffy clouds. I am so sick of going to (crowded) indoor public places and literally having to hug the wall as some four-foot tall person comes slaloming through the grown-ups. I am so sick of seeing that pointed-toe stance that means some kid is zooming toward me and I have to get out of their precious way.
So buy your offspring the hip new footwear if you must. But please. Can’t we say “no skating indoors” or something like that? Please? I was always taught that it was rude to yell at other people’s kids. But if your kid is throwing manners out the window first, I’m going with ‘all bets are off’ and your youngun may get some choice words thrown his way.
No worries here — Kid tried on a friend’s pair and promptly fell on her butt, so she hasn’t bugged further. Most parents I know (and the Kid’s school) make children pop out the wheel while kids are indoors; the basic rule is if you can’t skateboard at a location, you can’t Heely.
If it makes you feel better, my twelve year old wore his fishing this weekend. I warned him that the rocks were slippery. He felt that a twelve year old was in a far better position to judge the wisdom of wearing shoes with wheels on slippery rocks than I was.
His feet went out from under him about the time he felt like he had everything under control. He landed hard on his back and slid into the lake.
As he was choking back the tears in order to not show weakness in front of me, I had to choke back the words, “Toldja so.”
My kids are not gifted in the coordination department. I don’t want the ER bills that they would incur. Hopefully they’ll be out of fashion by the time they are old enough to want them.
Amen.
Those things annoy the bejesus out of me, so no. My children are NEVER going to have a pair. Megs has been BEGGING, but I told her she can’t have a pair, no way.
Kat, if it makes you feel any better, many of the kids I have in Bible Drill at church say that their parents don’t allow them to wear the wheels when they come to church. So you shouldn’t have them running into you at FBC.
Now if we can just get them to stop running down the halls in God’s house, I’ll be happy. (OK, and get them to stop being so noisy in the halls too.)
I think I have become my mother. =o/
arrgh, Amanda & I went to Mack’s this weekend and his kids have them…so seeing as how Mack’s kids are the next best thing, no, better than sliced bread, I’ll be getting her some for her birthday. Thanks Mack.
Anyway, there will be discipline administered if she *ever* wears those things in a crowded place. She will know the appropriate places that they are to be worn. If she doesn’t obey me, they will be taken away.
Discipline…what a concept!
You’re on more stable footing than the wheeled-yuppie-larva. Let em bounce off you and fall on their butts. It’s the only way they, or their parents, will learn.
What Ex said. I usually lower my shoulder and lift up at just the right moment. I hope someone does that to my kids if they pull that crap. Course, they wouldn’t, cuz they’re perfect…
I hate those shoes so much!! The 7yo has also been begging for a pair and it ain’t gonna happen, my friend.
I’m not suggesting you follow my dubious example, but when I was trapped on a long transatlantic flight (as opposed to all those short transatlantic flights which are available), there was a small fiend running up and down the aisles, tormenting the adults. Unfortunately for him, I had an aisle seat and a leg cramp.
He wasn’t hurt, but he sat down very suddenly. He did stop running up and down the aisles after that, though.
I don’t know how we’ve not been asked, no begged, for those yet! Of course, I think Sweetpea realizes she has inherited her mother’s lack of grace. She’s terrified of things with wheels! She acts like she wants to ride her bike, but get her out there and it’s a different story. She’s not even been rollerskating yet.
In fact, she was invited to a rollerskating party awhile back which she seemed to be very keen on attending. Then she got into some serious trouble (lying) and the party priviledge was removed. She “acted” like it wasn’t a big deal to miss the party. I think that was partly out of trying to not let us know how she really felt and partly because she was scared sh!tless about putting on shoes with wheels on them!!
I will never, ever, ever, EVER buy those for my kids. My oldest-a seven year old girl-has started dropping hints, but they’re not gaining any traction with me.
My fear, however, is that she’ll come back from a night at the grandparents’ with a pair. If I tell my mother or my husband’s stepmother not to get them close enough to the time when they are requested, my wishes will be honored. But if I tell them that and they’ve forgotten that comment by the time my daughter asks them to buy a pair, who knows what they’ll do.
As for my husband’s mother…well, let’s just say if I were to catalog all of the things she desires to do with her grandchildren that I’d rather she not, we’d never talk of anything else. I’ve learned to pick my battles and contain my remarks to things life or death matters, such as “child safety seats are not optional in the car…and no, they aren’t big enough for the front seat” or “I know they don’t love the life vests, but they’re not strong enough swimmers to be in the pool without them if you’re not in there with them.” So the chances that Gran will buy a pair of heelys are…not ideal. And goodness knows, if Gran will buy them for her, she’ll also take her out wearing them. While I promise you all that I will do my best to try and teach my child not to take Gran up on her offer of skating through the Bellevue Mall, I can’t promise that she’ll be mature enough to resist the urge. So I’m sorry for that. But I can assure you that she’ll never go out in public wearing those things on my watch. NEVER.
I so want a pair of those. I was on a too-long walk in DC in ill-chosen shoes, and was quite jealous of the little ones rolling along.
It’s not my fault. SANTA brought my daughter those shoes!
In Santa’s defense, Trillian has the shoes that become full-fledged skates, not the ones they call “heelies”. THOSE are the annoying ones.
She uses them in the house. Thank God for hardwood floors. She might wear them to Opry Mills (that’s a whole lot of walking for little spindly legs).
But I’ll make sure she never wears them in ’sensitive’ company.
Sadly, I would like a pair for myself. But, no way in hell do I buy them for kids, if I had any still living at the house.
My youngest has been begging for them. Sometimes it is good to be broke! haha.
Mack, if you need to lower a shoulder to take out a ten year old, you may want to hit the gym.
I’m with Rachel and john h, why don’t they make them in adult sizes?!?!
I just read on http://www.allearsnet.com that Heelys aren’t allowed in any amusement park in Florida and violators are subject to a $150 fine!
Lydia, that’s the best news I’ve heard in awhile.
I cannot imagine how upset I’d get if there were a bunch of Heely-mad kids swarming me in the parks.
Oh, and the rest of you should be aware that they do make Heely-type shoes for adults.
I guess adults have the good sense to not wear/use them in crowded public places. ;-p
(Which surprises me, seeing as how many adults just generally lack good sense period.)