Firstly, I must make a disclaimer. Not every post i write this week is going to include men I find sexy. But to answer the commenters on the previous: Steve Jobs. Duh.
There are no men I find sexy within the contents of this post. I would like to see Ty Pennington’s Linus, though. Right before I Bobbit it with a dull, rusty blade.
This morning, NiT linked to a post by everyone’s favourite snarky bastige, Sarcastro. The gist: Someone at The Smoking Gun has unearthed ABC’s psycho-vulture wishlist for its next season of
smarm generousity. Sar laments all who watch the show for our willingness to have our tearducts played with such virtuousity by the Grief Vampires at the Alphabet network.
But there’s something that critics of us viewers don’t understand. Some of us–like me–watch the show largely for the snark value. After two years of sitting through it, I have made some observations:
1. 90% of the time, if the lucky family is black, at least one member will scream and fall down in the street when they move that bus.
2. 90% of the time, if the lucky family is white, at least one member of the family will act as if they’ve received nothing more special than a brand new issue of TV Guide.
3. There is always some asinine reason for one of the “designers” to buy nonsense crap at Sears.
4. That one big designer guy (Preston?) will touch every female gift recepient a disproportionate amount. He thinks it’s comforting. To the rest of us it looks more than slightly predatory.
5. As the show has progressed the families look more disappointed by not receiving the “extra” gifts. ABC has tapered off the pay-off-your-mortgage-send-all-the-kids-to-college goodies, and the new kids are pissed.
6. The show will trot out that Sweet Alice dame at every available opportunity.
7. Whenever the family members are “big fans” of some c-list entertainer the show will bring that entertainer to the house for a free concert/skateboard park construcion/other deal but only when the family is away on their vacation. This is the most dumbass thing they do, as far as I’m concerned. “Hey, I know you guys are big fans of Little Richard! Guess what! He was here yesterday playing “Tutti Frutti” for us on our lunch break! Isn’t that cool? Too bad you missed it. How’s Hilton Head?”
There are so many more reasons to both love and hate the show, but I haven’t got all day. I do look forward to next year’s exploitation of blind children with progeria.
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